Thursday, December 31, 2009

sayonara 2009.... ola 2010!


its been a great year for me.

yes i have my down moments, but i think i have more good times than bad.

i am truly blessed.

i am growing even more stronger in self confidence. i am more and more comfortable in my own skin.

i have learned not to conform to what others expect of me or expect me to become.

i have learned to be more patient and tolerant.

i have learned not to have too much expectations of others.

i have confessed 1 thing that i have kept to myself for far too long, to the one and only person i trust with my deepest darkest secret - my hubby, and it felt great! all the while i thought he would despise me for it, ended up with him being supportive and quite relief? go figure!

i even have people accusing me of being snobbish because i dont mingle or attend their functions as often as they would like. excuse me for having a career and life outside that circle. i will never apologise for living my life to how i want to.

when i first heard this, i smiled and laughed. usually this is not how i would react to this kind of news. but i did. i laughed because it sounded so ridiculous! and i was sad that they think that way. how narrow minded are they? oh well....i let them be and moved on.

i am proud of what i am now. and i am happy those i care, accpet and proud of me too.

i may not pass some people's idea of perfection, but i know i am perfect for me.

i am glad to report - I AM HAPPY.

so, 2010....i am ready to face whatever you toss my way!

Insya Allah...

ultimate andrenalin rush!

It was my first time...

I was excited and yet nervous...

I keep telling myself, this is strictly professional, its work...dont mix it with personal feelings. But i cant help it. It was too cool!

I attended my first drift event! It was superb!

I cannot even begin to describe the feeling i get when i saw how these skillfull drivers drift.

My company is one of the main sponsors for the drivers of Federation D. One of the drivers is No.1 in Malaysia and No.3 in South East Asia!! It also helps that he is cute! He is Tengku Djan. My boss, H, is also very much into cars and especially drift. He in fact is participating actively next year!

We have a booth in those two glorious days of drift events. So, to me it was hitting 2 birds with 1 stone - help my company and get to enjoy the event as well!

This is our booth. The car parked in front is my boss'. He will be using that car to compete next year.

Tengku Djan and me... this is after he won the Formula Drift Malaysia!

Me and the paddock girls. From left to right: Cindy, Me, Sofea and Esther. They are the hottest girls in the whole event! :P

Me, the paddock girls and the Federation D drivers. From left: Tan Tat Wei, Tengku Djan and Alvin Lau.

Me and my cute cool boss - H. I am blessed to be working for him. I hope to stay working with him for many many years to come!

What a great way to end my 2009! And i have a strong feeling that 2010 would give plenty of adventures!

Bring it on! :D

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

i dont care

i dont care...

...what people think of me - bitchy, fat, obnoxious, etc..
...whether people like me or not
...if people are talking bad stuff behind my back
...if people dont like how i do stuff
...if people dont like me smoking
...if people dont like me drinking
...if they dont like what i write in my blog
...if people dont like what i wear
...if people think im a looser
...if people think my friends are loosers
...if people think im not at their level
...if people dont like my hubby
...if people think im cold
...if people think im full of myself

i just D O N T C A R E!

its my life.

why should i care. in the past i cared too much on what other think of me, and i was miserable!!

but when i learn that i cant please everybody, fuck it! im gonna live my life, my way!

and i have been practising this mantra as my way of life for the past 6 years, and its been great!

im totally comfortable in my own skin.

i am happy.

and i am proud of myself - because others may not have 'found' themselves even until the day they die.

in fact i see others slowly begining to understand my lifestyle and have accepted me for what i am. and some even have implemented it in their life, and i see that they are much happier.

i pity those people that cares so much on what others think of them. the type of people that have this need to want to be popular all the time.

i know that im a bitch. at least i know it, am proud of it and am happy with it. and with this lifestyle, it has its benefits but it also has its, errmm...downside a bit. one of it is that i know im not the popular one. i use to worry and be unhappy that im unpopular, but now, i dont care.

if you dont like what i write in here, dont read it. no one is putting a gun to your head to read it. i never go to your blog or territory and tell you what to write and what not to write! its my god damn blog! i write what i want.

at least i have the gutts to say things that people only dare think and not say it out loud.

now i live my life by just being out right straight and not waste time. its much more efficient and consumes less energy.

trust me people, this is the best way to live your life. much better than being bound by what the society says is best.

screw 'em! its your life! so live it your way! life is too short for you to bow to others all the time.

theres only one that you bow to, and that is God.

Monday, December 14, 2009

breath of fresh air

it took me long enough, but at last, i finally got to redecorate my office.

after 1 year being in this company... didnt get to do so when i first came in is because i was always travelling, every week! now im based mostly in KL, i have a bit more time. and i needed to perk myself up, becasue im all alone in this dept that once had 4 people in it. and it hit me bad after i lost sita... then i thought, my office looks messy and depressing. and i was always 'camping' downstairs.

then i realise thats not my office...

i emailed to my boss asking for permission, and he replied by saying: 'your state of mind, is your level of work'.

then last week, with Selvi's (the cleaner/tea lady) help, i decided to do something about my office's pathetic state.

well, better late than never, right?

i finally feel i belong.

i feel more comfortable and...yes, happier.

doesnt it look nice, neat and classy?

i have even made provision should they wanna take another staff. i even get to have a little discussion area in there. and still its spacious...

now, this is me. no more getting lectured about how messy my table is!

most of the things i brought from home.

the vase, pillow, table runner... rizal bought for me the little aquarium because he knows i want a living thing in my office, and he knows i lke fishes....there's 4 fishies in it. they are so cute and active! the orchid is not real, believe or not! it looks very real right? im glad i bought it, it sure adds color in this very white room. i cant get a live one, because my room does not have a window.

me in my lil cosy corner! :D

well, thats my room. i guess this is my way of 'pee-ing' on it to mark my territory! i dont care, i love it! :P

Friday, December 11, 2009

f u c k o f f

u guys are probably wondering, oh oh, who is the nut that made me angry? hahah...

dont worry, im not soo angry but just pissed off and annoyed to hell! unfortunately there are many morons out there that just dont get the message.


especially families...

but this time is not about me. its about a very very good friend of mine that has finally snapped and giving everyone that gave her a hard time this:

yes! she finally cracked and voiced out her frustration! i knew that this day would come.

i am just sad that she had to wait till her life is soooo fucked up to flip! all these years, her family has always dictated how she should live her life. it pains me to see her in those situations. but no matter what, i have never given up on her, even though many said she is a lost cause. no, i dont believe that. i may have changed how i say things to her, or just be an ear for her to vent things out, but i have always told her to tell off these idiots! that this is her life! just give them a big old:

i really dont get her family. dont they want her to be happy? cant they see that they are hurting her instead of helping her?? cant they see they are ruining her life? yes i admit, she has made mistakes and errors that make us go..WTF?...but who hasnt? im sure we have gone through that crazzy decisions in life, at least once in our lifetime! but these mistakes are the ones that makes us stronger and hopefully wiser. and family is suppose to help us get back on our feet and support us through those trying times. not ridicule, belittle and push our heads under water!

yes! thats what her family is doing to her! and when she finally stood up for herself, they say she is a rebel, an ungrateful daughter/sister! just becasue her stand differs from theirs, therefore its wrong and she is stupid!

OMG! get out from underneath that rock will ya!! and sadly enough, these stupid remarks and actions come from educated people that have seen the world! how can their mind be so narrow still??? that still baffles me, even though i have seen many like them before. i still dont get it.

yes, her current decision is not the popular one, but its hers to make. i have my own personal opinion to what i think is best for her. i voice it out as an advice, but what she decides at the end of the day, is 1000% hers and hers alone to make.

i hate people that think 'im holier than thou' when their life is clearly no where near the fecinity of anything remotely holy! look, im no angel too, but i dont go around preeching how others should live their life!

AAAHHH! Fuck it! im sick and tired of her and people like her! out of respect and request from my best friend, i shall not mention your name, but i shall still have my say about you!

And this is especially for you, stupid whore!

You are a law graduate for God's sake! you study different methodology and ideas from various types of people and you cant even accept your sister's decisions in life? you cant even be a sister to just be there for her? she is not even asking for anything, and what did she get? millions of stab wounds behind her back! from people that share the same father and mother! who the fuck are you to tell ANYONE how to live their fucking life! whereas your own pathetic life is far from stable! you have 1 kid, no job, filthy rich husband - and you think you know whats best for others??? really??? if your answer is YES, than you are much more stupid that i thought!

remember, i know ALL your past shit! and reflecting on that, you dare call her a rebel? ungrateful? you are the most ungrateful person i have met! and this is not even me talking about how you 'remember' my parents' role in your life! because, hey, after all, my parents are not blood, right? but your own sister? she has always been there for you, through your endless bitching and whining about your poor little rich life! you may say that wealth is not everything. thats true, and i have seen many millionaires that is totally unhappy. but you dont see them telling others how to live their lives, do you??

so, conclusion is.. SHUT D FUCK UP and mind your own fucking business! And for God's sake, leave her alone to live her life. if her decision is a mistake and in the future she gets screwed over, it was her decision and she learn something from that blunder, the hard way. but thats life!

do me a favour, just stay in that Nazi land! it fits your character to the tee!! and she doesnt need you. i think thats whats pissing you off huh? that she realised that she doesnt need you in her life! that she is doing just fine without you. after all, you constantly need to be the center of attraction and anything and everything that happens in this world, is all about you in the end1 talk about classic narcissist = "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy". yup! thats you!

you see, in order to be a really good family or friend to someone, you not only accept their good behaviour, but their flaws as well! you empathise their problems and feelings, you be there for them, at anytime, anywhere. thats how true honest relationships are built and sustained!

i may not have a degree, but it doesnt take a fucking genius to figure that out! its common sense! which i see is not commonly used by many, including you.

thats it. im not gonna talk about you anymore. you're just wasting my time and space here in my blog. but i still do it because i have had it! if it were up to me, i would be saying this straight to your face! but i respect my best friend's wishes and not 'play with pigs - coz i will get dirrty and you will be happy'! im just gonna flush you down the drain!


Sita, we have been friends since we were in kindy! thats 25 years!!!

i love you, and no matter where you go, i will always be here for you. i am so proud of you... you have finally found some voice and backbone. soon, you will get your full spine and roar to those who have wronged you. and i shall be waiting there, right beside you, helping you fight them off! welcome to the club babe! now, you're on your way in becoming a bitch! i like! :D

this blog is dedicated to all of your ENEMIES! because your enemies, are mine as well!

the war is on!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

self realisation

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)

"Like you'll never see me again" by Alicia Keys

These words describe exactly how i felt a couple of days ago. It was not from lack of attention from him or he ddint call or he didnt express himself well.....nothing of that sort.

When i didnt hear his voice the whole day, it suddenly popped in my head that this is a glimpse of my life if he is no longer with me.

And it broke my was physicaly painful, not to mention emotionally disturbing. I have never felt like this before.

I hated him for making me feel this way! And i told him so. i cant believe i did that but i did.

i know its not fair for him, but i had too. it was just too overwhelming.

but of course he soothed me and made me smile again. and only he can do that.

damn it!

in my younger days, i vowed not to end up physically or emotionally dependant on anyone, especially men. because i have seem marriages fail and mostly due to men's sheer stupidity.

but this man...has manage to not only steal my heart, but has successfully made me think i am unable to love no one else other than him.

i just pray to God, he will never break my heart.

Please yayang...dont. because you have all of me, and i mean A L L.

Friday, December 4, 2009

i turn to u

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.
And when I'm scared and losing ground;
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.

And when I'm down you're there; pushing me to the top.
You're always there; giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

When I lose my will to win,
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing; 'cause your love inspires me.

And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith that gets me through the night.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
for a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to....
I turn to you.

I love u sayang. Thank you for being my best friend and soul mate.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


i cant get a good night sleep these past few days.

i dont know why..

some say maybe because i have problems or maybe i am sad or depressed...

but im not.

yeah i do have small problems but its being settled and its not too big of a problem.

i even went to bed early thinking that maybe me sleeping late most of the time was the problem.

but that didnt work either.

i woke up still sleepy and tired!

my nights are filled with really active dreams that woke me up several times a night. but if u ask me to tell you what are my dreams - i seriously cant remember!

weird huh?

i desperately need to get some good zzz! if not i will become a zombie and in the long run, i will be very edgy and irritable - and i will start lashing it out on others. especially my yayang.

so, gonna find remedies to help me sleep better..

wish me luck!

Monday, November 30, 2009

a familiar feeling...

had a very interesting long weekend.

my whole lil family was present.

had a surprisingly pleasant time with my her.

it was nice and ...... familiar.

its been so long since we get to talk like that without turning it into a big fight.

finally understood what is she doing and why.

i now support and respect what she's doing. its not easy and not everyone can do it.

over all, it was a very relaxing weekend with the family.

i bet Dad is smiling down on us.

love you Dad..... love you all.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

broken heart

sad is an understatement of the century if i am forced to decribe how i feel right now. i think heart broken is the nearest to what i am going through right now.

i am sad that i am included in the same group as those morons that did not fully support and belittled you from the begining.

i am just very confused with what you said and what you wrote, because its contradicting. i have never stopped or criticised you for expressing yourself. in fact i dare take the credit for unleashing your new outspoken self. before this what did you do? be honest. you cry, keep quiet and after awhile, make as if nothing happen. and after a long while, you even forgave them and be nice back to them. i dont really understand why but i still have very much respect for you because it takes a bigger person to do what you do. but after awhile you bitched that you are being ridiculed and pushed around and you're fed up. so, who told you to stand up for what you believe in and just speak up?

if you conveniently forgotten all those long talks we have, then i have nothing to say.

if you are telling me now that you want to forget what we have been through, then i have nothing to say.

if you are telling me that i too cant express how i feel honestly about you, then i have nothing to say. at least i am honest with you. you prefer me to sweet talk to you but later bad mouth you behind your back like the rest?

i have NEVER shut you out like the rest in your life. i just simply told you i am tired of looking at you contradict everything that you said and later get burned.

thats all.

i still and always will have your pictures in my handphone and ipod.

i have never stopped loving you.

i have never stopped supporting you.

i am even crying as i am typing this now.

i have known you for 26 years! and you have really hit me straight through the heart this time...

but you know what?

call me stupid but i will still be here for you, when you need me, because thats what i vowed to you and i will keep my word.

it pains me that you misunderstood me. but its alright.

i refuse to say good bye. because i will always be here for you.

i wish nothing but the best for you. i only want you to be happy.

you will forever be in my heart...

i love you, always...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

e n o u g h



just stop

i am so fuckin tired

tired of listening to the same chant but i know ....

i just know la

i am not tired of being there for you

supporting you

loving you

being your best friend even if you dont want me to be anymore

i am not tired of that

but i am tired of going through the same song and dance

even though you are telling the world you are different

you are more determined

you are stronger

you are starting anew

throwing out the garbage

trust me i want to believe you

but untill u stick to it.....


i am tired

just wake me up when you have succeeded in what you have vowed to do and not do

love you still babe

its just that.....

i am tired

Friday, November 20, 2009

i am a L I O N E S S

I was listening to this song this morning, and I smiled. The lyrics are sooo empowering. And i think its befitting for a close friend of mine that is going through a rough patch in her life. This song paint an exact picture of how i live my life. So, I hope it would help you to find your stand and to identify who you are.

"Now that you're out of my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Thought that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without you
Sold 9 million

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin

Thought I couldn't breathe without
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon be here

I'm wishin' you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon lie on you and your family
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines
('m better than that)
I'm not gon compromise my Integrity
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that

After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I'll gain prosperity"

"I'm a Survivor" - Destiny's Child.

Ok, thats it. I am fed up of trying to keep motivating people that clearly are half bake-all talk, no action-hypocrites. Enough about this continuous dependent-i have no choice-low self esteem-im a victim-crap! Because no matter how strong the lyrcis are, or no matter if you have gazzillion people that support and believe in you, but if you do not fully believe, or put your 200% and do things half heartedly - then what is the fuckin point?? You'r not in your teens to be always this fucked up and lost. But then again - OLD DOGS NEVER LEARN NEW TRICKS. They just package it differently - but its still the same old trick.

Moral of the story: Dont be a dog, be a...

L I O N E S S - Beautiful, Independant, Calm and Confident, Fierce yet Feminine.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I am what I am

"According to you
I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time, even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

According to you
I'm boring, I'm moody, you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span; you're the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated. oh-- no--.
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me dizz-ay.

According to me
you're stupid,
you're useless,
you can't do anything right.
But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head.

According to him
I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.
According to you"

sang by: Orianthi - According to him

So for those that think I am not all that - EAT YOUR HEART OUT!


Tuesday, November 17, 2009


everybody that sees me would say, i have it all.

if they mean i am happy - then yes, i am happy.

but do i have it all?

i wasnt well these past few days, and my hubby was nothing but a perfect partner. he was caring, soothe me when im in pain, bought me lots of comfort food.....

but all of a sudden i just realise the awful painful fact - i dont have friends that are originally mine. all was 'referred' by my hubby...

i went thru every one of my friends, and all of them can be traced back to rizal.

then i start to wonder would they still be my friends if rizal is not around anymore? he is the glue, the common factor.....

am i that hard to be with? am i that repulsive to be with?

then i start to dive in deeper in my intimate thoughts and start to diving into a very sensitive and heart wrenching issue that i shoved at the back of my head...

i told my hubby, i dont want to end up like my mom - dependant on her kids. come to think of it, i will never end up that way, coz i do not even have kids!

the image of me being pregnant or being a mother is getting further away from me, year by year. i have a strong feeling i will never assume that role. i just dont see it. i cant picture it. maybe its for the best coz im so fucked up myself, how can i ever raise a kid to not be me?

i think this bothers me more than i realise. i dont know how to explain it. even though this topic is never discussed...but its there. painfully there.

so, if my hubby is not in my life anymore, am i alone?

he is my only true best friend, the only one that understands me, the only one that can stand me! without him......


this is not self pity - this is just hard core facts - self realisation. i have already accepted and embraced what i am, now i have to accept what i most probably end up being.

hey, i am ok. i am strong. i have always been on my own in a way. im different than anyone in my family. different from my relatives.....

i'l get by....i'll survive.

i will...

but i cant deny that i am... a f r a i d.

The Ultimate Ride


It was love at first sight!

It is manufatcured as an armoured car. Its not bullet proof, its GRENADE proof!!

It used to be for the Army (D'UH!), but now they are making it for civilians!

It is also luxurious and comfortable.

And it is one fuckin huge ass car!

Its 8 feet long for God's sake!

Check out the bloody interior! And its all customised to the client's needs.

Isnt it a beauty?

Not gonna say much but THIS is my UTIMATE DREAM CAR!

Its only USD 310,000 ++!!!

You wanna know more about this car, go:

Soon, baby...soon. You will be mine!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009



I plan to go there with friends next year.

Do you know that Manila is called the Asian "Paris"?

Cool huh?

Pray that I get to go!

Manila - here I come!







Sunday, November 8, 2009

I am a B I T C H

Some people wonders why am I so stubborn?

Why am I always so angry?

Why am I always bruttally honest?

Why do I do what I do...

Let me explain as plain as possible so that all the imbeciles out there are able to understand as this would be the first and last time I explain myself... so, here goes nothing...

Stubborn? Its just because I believe that my suggestions or opinions are/were good for me or for someone that I care (because I only give those to people that I care! D'uh!) and also because I have back bone! Careful, this might be a new term to most of you out there!

Angry? Maybe because I always see intelligent people get run over by morons??

Brutally Honest? Its the most efficient way to get the message across!

And last but not least...

Do What I Do.... Because its my life and I do what I fucking hell I like la! I dont fuck care what you think!

So, now you may wonder whats wrong with me?

Oooh, theres absolutely NOTHING wrong with me.

I am just... a.... B I T C H!

....and damn proud of it! (its on my fuckin blog title, for God's sake la!)

The Bitch that I am proudly referring to is the type that every woman should have and i am quite sure have in them. They just need to have the gutts to unleash it every once in awhile. Especially when you are pushed to the wall and you are in a cross road whether to follow the herd and compromise your principles and happiness OR stand up for yourself and ask them to take a hike!

A Bitch is self assured and damn comfortable in their own skin. And most importantly, do not care what the fuck society think of them.

A Bitch does not run away from problems, but face it with a mischevious smile and says "Bring it!"

Yes, these Bitches may not have tonnes of friends but they have a handful of great friends and truth be told, that is the best! What is the fucking point of having a bunch of leeches that will suck the life out of you, and when theres nothing left, dump you and move on to the next chump!

Now, in my life, I havent met that many Bitches, but there are many 'Wannabes' but when there are circumstances arise when their inner Bitches should emerge and take over - they chicken out!

Do you have the following traits or characteristics?
- meek
- timid
- push over
- low or no self esteem
- dependant
- whiny
- constantly wallow in self pity
- cares a lot of what society thinks of you and what you do
- thinks you are a a looser
- a pesimist
- blames everything and anything bad that happened to them, on fate
- intelligent but still lets people shove their ideas and opinions down your throat
- and other looser behaviour, habits and attributes (too many to write down la!)

So, if you are all that and more, you are definitely NOT a Bitch. So stop self proclaiming that you are one!

Look, basically being a Bitch is simply liberating yourself to live your life according to how think is the best for you.

I have lived with this principle for the past 4 years+! And girls, let me tell you, its addictive! Once you are a Bitch, you dont want to go back to being your old looser self!

For those that wanna break free from the numb minding rut, dont worry. Its never too late. You just need to have balls and determination to want to. Once you have that, then there are steps to becoming it, which i will post in another post.

For those that is offended by this post, i just wanna say...........

I DONT GIVE A FUCK! Its my bloody blog! Dont like what you read, move fuckin on! I wont die without you! You are probably one of the whiny annoying weak loosers anyway!


Thursday, November 5, 2009

broken heart

where do i begin?

how do i describe how i feel about loosing a 25 years relationship?

no words can do it justice.

you know me more than anyone else i know. you know me more than my own family. i can be totally myself with you and be proud of it.

if i am loosing you to a better environment, i really dont mind. but, this new, unchartered territory...and for it to turn bad is high.

i worry...a lot! my heart literally hurts at the thought of loosing you.

i hope and pray he appreciates what you are doing for him. he sooo do not deserve it, do not deserve you.

i have a new found respect for you for deciding something this heavy and difficlut.

i pray nothing but happiness for you, my dear. you deserve nothing but the best.

no one can ever take your place.

so, i dont care where are you going to be, you shall always be in my heart.

you are the true definition of best friend.

and i am extremely grateful that you are my best friend.

thank you for being in my life.

i am truly honored.

i love you

Thursday, October 1, 2009


i hate this uneasy feeling. i hate having doubts. i hate that i no longer have that trust.

i am crying inside.

i am in pain, deeply.

im sick to my stomach - feel like puking.

Seumur hidupku
Setia menanti
Walau di hati saja...
Seluruh hidupku
Kau tetap milikku

Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali
Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi
Teramat berarti di hatiku

Seumur hidupku
Kau tetap milikku

- "Mencintaimu" Kris Dayanti

i have faith.

i shall hold on to that.

shoe freak!

stands up, looks around and said in a soft yet clear tone of voice:

"hello, i am yana and i am a shoe-holic...."

yes, i am. i need help. i L O V E shoes!! all types of shoes!

sandals - flats or heels

boots - ankle, calf, knee cut and flats or heels

strappy shoes

sexy shoes
s&m looking shoes
matron-looking working shoes

branded shoes

no brand shoes

i love them ALL!!

whenever i go to places, especially malls, even when just recently bought shoes, when i pass by shoe stores, i will always look. and i will always spot one that i like.
oh God!

and it doesnt help that my beloved indulges me and pampers me. i know he wants to make me happy and for that i thank him. i love you yayang.

aaahh! to hell with it! i shall embrace this weakness of mine and be proud of it!

long live to shoppoholics!! long live shoe-holics!! :P


i was swaying..

i literally felt myself moving from left to right. i tought i was very dizzy and about to faint. that is not good because i am in the middle of training.

but when i heard whisperings from other saying that they felt movement, i looked up at the chandeliar. it was shaking hard and getting faster.

i immediately stopped the training and ordered everyone to head out calmly and to follow hotel staff orders.

my main concern was the trainees safety. when i didnt see sita, i thought, ok, she went down with the others. so, i waited fo rthe hotel staff to lock the training room as i have laptops there. few leaders stick around with me, and then all of a sudden i heard sita shouting and running towards me n hugged me. she frantically told me in a shrieking voice that its earthquake and we must get out fast! she said when she was told we are experiencing earthquake, she immediately thought of me. that was sooo sweet. and funny looking at her panicking.

i dont know why, i was so calm, too calm i guess. i was walking leisurely and laughing... until i was outside of the hotel, and saw people were grouping and heard some of them expressing their fear.. then it dawned on me what had happened, and i got scared of rizal's safety, and called him. once i found out that he was ok (he was in KK), he wasnt effected, i was truly reliefed.

then i finally got a bit scared of what had happened. of the thought of i could have been underneath the hotel rubble.

this was my second time that i experienced the quake. the first time was in singapore, when i joined rizal fo rhis training there. that was worse. i was alone, sleeping in the hotel room, on the 20th floor. the trembles woke me up as i felt myself sliding left to right on the bed. my heart stopped and i immediately called rizal.

even though it was a bit of scare for me, i didnt see my life flashing before my eyes, like some people would experience when facing a possible near death incident. but i am awfully proud of myself for not reacting and stayed calm and ensuring other in my care was put out of harm's way.


Saturday, September 26, 2009

Ni How Ma...


Its a company trip. We will have our Recognition Day on the 17th October 2009 at Armada Hotel, PJ. Then we must be at the airport before 10pm.

I am sooooo excited!! Its my first time going to China and I have heard great stuff about it! And the best part is, I get to share it with my beloved hubby.

We'r going for 4D/3N. We'r going to Shanghai and Hangzhou. We are gonna visit our plant there - which is super cool!

Ooooh, I cant wait!!



And you guys know what this means right? SHOPPING!!! (oh God! I need HELP!)

Will definitely update after I come back!! :D