Tuesday, February 16, 2010

gambling galore

yes, its that time of the year again.

its officially my favourite time of the year!

C H I N E S E N E W Y E A R!!

5 days of mahjong!!

many people may think hwats so great about playing mahjong?

the game itself - nothing.

but what comes while playing it - memories. now thats why i love it so much!

this game is the main and only reason of my bond with my parents in law. we got to know each other better through this game.

this year theres no big celebration, because its not a even a year yet since we lost father.

father.....i miss him. his quiet presence is irreplaceable.

thats why i love this game so much.

and oh, because i am also a compulsive gambler! hahahhahha!!


was it it about words that come out from my mouth is always misinterpreted?

why is it that i care for others but when it comes to my own feelings.....

someone told me that the best way to lead one's life is to be truthfull at all times, to speak my mind. but i have learnt that i cant fully 100% practice that way of life. because no one can fully take it.

and why is it that each time i tell people things that others wont, i feel like im being punished for it? why is it that i feel shitty after being honest?

i dont like feeling shitty, so what do i do? i hold my tongue.

i dont lie, i just dont tell people my true feelings and i just follow what others want me to feel or do.

why do i do this you may ask? because i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings.

the truth is i have been doing this for...all my life! i admit that i have improved by not being a total push over, and not lie to accomodate others. i have just mastered the art of 'go-with-the-flow' without lying.

but im hurting now.

trully hurting.

i cant seem to talk to anyone about how i truly, truly feel. because everyone has certain expectations of me.

sometimes i feel like screaming! i cry, sometimes, really cry my heart out.

but dont get me wrong, im happy with my life, i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world, and i am extremely grateful for having what i have.

i am just tired. because i feel like i'm doing all the work to take care of everyone's feelings but what about how i feel?

look, i dont care about the world, and what i am to the rest, but to the most important people....i care and cherish them a lot to not want to hurt them.

each time i try to express how i feel, its potrayed like im a fucking selfish bitch! so i have a lot of 'half-way expressing of feeling' times. i started out with detemination to fully expressing myself, but end up with shutting up, smiling and saying, 'its ok, im ok'.

theres 2 people in my life that contributes to me blogging about this. 2 most important people in my life. i love them to death. but they will be the death of me! they always put me in a position where i feel torn, shitty and screwed up!!

i wont tell them about all this. i just needed to vent without feeling like as ass!

god, help me get through my life, please.

Friday, February 12, 2010

crazzzzzy cool bosses

its so near to my fav holiday - CNY! another 2 more days!

today is the last day of work before i go for off for 8 days leave!! woohoo!!

so you would think why am i at work today, its gonna be boring and blah blah blah...

but u dont work in my company! where my bosses are damn cool and crazzy!!

this is what my HODs and COO is doing now....while waiting til end of the day...

they are playing Cho Tai Tee!!

i am so happy working here!

i love them so much!

Monday, February 8, 2010

saman pak, saman.....

i know, i know...

i havent blogged for quite awhile now. i hv been pretty busy, which i think is good right?


work is work - ups and downs.

personal - well, i finally paid my summons! all 14 of 'em!! :P

it was nerve recking! i got help from my cousin (on my dad's side). she works in bukit aman. so i had to go there to pick up the slip that gave me total discount on my summons. without that, i have to pay nearly 3k!! with the discount i only pay half! *phew* thank god and of course my dear cousin.

my dearie hubby went with me, after i persuaded him to! coz i was scared. anyway, he read the slip and gave a news that almost made my eyes popped out of my head! there was already a warrant issued out for me!!!!! oh dear god!!

i was a fugitive!! :P

thank god i paid all! in my defence, i have been trying to pay since middle last year, but there was always things that got in the way. n i when my road tax was expiring, i had to push things to work!

i vow not to put myself through that again! i have subscribed to sms alerts with the police so that if i have any summons, they would sms me immediately and the sooner o pay up, the more discounts i get!

well, so far thats the only drama happened, that i can remember of course!