Thursday, December 31, 2009

sayonara 2009.... ola 2010!


its been a great year for me.

yes i have my down moments, but i think i have more good times than bad.

i am truly blessed.

i am growing even more stronger in self confidence. i am more and more comfortable in my own skin.

i have learned not to conform to what others expect of me or expect me to become.

i have learned to be more patient and tolerant.

i have learned not to have too much expectations of others.

i have confessed 1 thing that i have kept to myself for far too long, to the one and only person i trust with my deepest darkest secret - my hubby, and it felt great! all the while i thought he would despise me for it, ended up with him being supportive and quite relief? go figure!

i even have people accusing me of being snobbish because i dont mingle or attend their functions as often as they would like. excuse me for having a career and life outside that circle. i will never apologise for living my life to how i want to.

when i first heard this, i smiled and laughed. usually this is not how i would react to this kind of news. but i did. i laughed because it sounded so ridiculous! and i was sad that they think that way. how narrow minded are they? oh well....i let them be and moved on.

i am proud of what i am now. and i am happy those i care, accpet and proud of me too.

i may not pass some people's idea of perfection, but i know i am perfect for me.

i am glad to report - I AM HAPPY.

so, 2010....i am ready to face whatever you toss my way!

Insya Allah...

ultimate andrenalin rush!

It was my first time...

I was excited and yet nervous...

I keep telling myself, this is strictly professional, its work...dont mix it with personal feelings. But i cant help it. It was too cool!

I attended my first drift event! It was superb!

I cannot even begin to describe the feeling i get when i saw how these skillfull drivers drift.

My company is one of the main sponsors for the drivers of Federation D. One of the drivers is No.1 in Malaysia and No.3 in South East Asia!! It also helps that he is cute! He is Tengku Djan. My boss, H, is also very much into cars and especially drift. He in fact is participating actively next year!

We have a booth in those two glorious days of drift events. So, to me it was hitting 2 birds with 1 stone - help my company and get to enjoy the event as well!

This is our booth. The car parked in front is my boss'. He will be using that car to compete next year.

Tengku Djan and me... this is after he won the Formula Drift Malaysia!

Me and the paddock girls. From left to right: Cindy, Me, Sofea and Esther. They are the hottest girls in the whole event! :P

Me, the paddock girls and the Federation D drivers. From left: Tan Tat Wei, Tengku Djan and Alvin Lau.

Me and my cute cool boss - H. I am blessed to be working for him. I hope to stay working with him for many many years to come!

What a great way to end my 2009! And i have a strong feeling that 2010 would give plenty of adventures!

Bring it on! :D

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

i dont care

i dont care...

...what people think of me - bitchy, fat, obnoxious, etc..
...whether people like me or not
...if people are talking bad stuff behind my back
...if people dont like how i do stuff
...if people dont like me smoking
...if people dont like me drinking
...if they dont like what i write in my blog
...if people dont like what i wear
...if people think im a looser
...if people think my friends are loosers
...if people think im not at their level
...if people dont like my hubby
...if people think im cold
...if people think im full of myself

i just D O N T C A R E!

its my life.

why should i care. in the past i cared too much on what other think of me, and i was miserable!!

but when i learn that i cant please everybody, fuck it! im gonna live my life, my way!

and i have been practising this mantra as my way of life for the past 6 years, and its been great!

im totally comfortable in my own skin.

i am happy.

and i am proud of myself - because others may not have 'found' themselves even until the day they die.

in fact i see others slowly begining to understand my lifestyle and have accepted me for what i am. and some even have implemented it in their life, and i see that they are much happier.

i pity those people that cares so much on what others think of them. the type of people that have this need to want to be popular all the time.

i know that im a bitch. at least i know it, am proud of it and am happy with it. and with this lifestyle, it has its benefits but it also has its, errmm...downside a bit. one of it is that i know im not the popular one. i use to worry and be unhappy that im unpopular, but now, i dont care.

if you dont like what i write in here, dont read it. no one is putting a gun to your head to read it. i never go to your blog or territory and tell you what to write and what not to write! its my god damn blog! i write what i want.

at least i have the gutts to say things that people only dare think and not say it out loud.

now i live my life by just being out right straight and not waste time. its much more efficient and consumes less energy.

trust me people, this is the best way to live your life. much better than being bound by what the society says is best.

screw 'em! its your life! so live it your way! life is too short for you to bow to others all the time.

theres only one that you bow to, and that is God.

Monday, December 14, 2009

breath of fresh air

it took me long enough, but at last, i finally got to redecorate my office.

after 1 year being in this company... didnt get to do so when i first came in is because i was always travelling, every week! now im based mostly in KL, i have a bit more time. and i needed to perk myself up, becasue im all alone in this dept that once had 4 people in it. and it hit me bad after i lost sita... then i thought, my office looks messy and depressing. and i was always 'camping' downstairs.

then i realise thats not my office...

i emailed to my boss asking for permission, and he replied by saying: 'your state of mind, is your level of work'.

then last week, with Selvi's (the cleaner/tea lady) help, i decided to do something about my office's pathetic state.

well, better late than never, right?

i finally feel i belong.

i feel more comfortable and...yes, happier.

doesnt it look nice, neat and classy?

i have even made provision should they wanna take another staff. i even get to have a little discussion area in there. and still its spacious...

now, this is me. no more getting lectured about how messy my table is!

most of the things i brought from home.

the vase, pillow, table runner... rizal bought for me the little aquarium because he knows i want a living thing in my office, and he knows i lke fishes....there's 4 fishies in it. they are so cute and active! the orchid is not real, believe or not! it looks very real right? im glad i bought it, it sure adds color in this very white room. i cant get a live one, because my room does not have a window.

me in my lil cosy corner! :D

well, thats my room. i guess this is my way of 'pee-ing' on it to mark my territory! i dont care, i love it! :P

Friday, December 11, 2009

f u c k o f f

u guys are probably wondering, oh oh, who is the nut that made me angry? hahah...

dont worry, im not soo angry but just pissed off and annoyed to hell! unfortunately there are many morons out there that just dont get the message.


especially families...

but this time is not about me. its about a very very good friend of mine that has finally snapped and giving everyone that gave her a hard time this:

yes! she finally cracked and voiced out her frustration! i knew that this day would come.

i am just sad that she had to wait till her life is soooo fucked up to flip! all these years, her family has always dictated how she should live her life. it pains me to see her in those situations. but no matter what, i have never given up on her, even though many said she is a lost cause. no, i dont believe that. i may have changed how i say things to her, or just be an ear for her to vent things out, but i have always told her to tell off these idiots! that this is her life! just give them a big old:

i really dont get her family. dont they want her to be happy? cant they see that they are hurting her instead of helping her?? cant they see they are ruining her life? yes i admit, she has made mistakes and errors that make us go..WTF?...but who hasnt? im sure we have gone through that crazzy decisions in life, at least once in our lifetime! but these mistakes are the ones that makes us stronger and hopefully wiser. and family is suppose to help us get back on our feet and support us through those trying times. not ridicule, belittle and push our heads under water!

yes! thats what her family is doing to her! and when she finally stood up for herself, they say she is a rebel, an ungrateful daughter/sister! just becasue her stand differs from theirs, therefore its wrong and she is stupid!

OMG! get out from underneath that rock will ya!! and sadly enough, these stupid remarks and actions come from educated people that have seen the world! how can their mind be so narrow still??? that still baffles me, even though i have seen many like them before. i still dont get it.

yes, her current decision is not the popular one, but its hers to make. i have my own personal opinion to what i think is best for her. i voice it out as an advice, but what she decides at the end of the day, is 1000% hers and hers alone to make.

i hate people that think 'im holier than thou' when their life is clearly no where near the fecinity of anything remotely holy! look, im no angel too, but i dont go around preeching how others should live their life!

AAAHHH! Fuck it! im sick and tired of her and people like her! out of respect and request from my best friend, i shall not mention your name, but i shall still have my say about you!

And this is especially for you, stupid whore!

You are a law graduate for God's sake! you study different methodology and ideas from various types of people and you cant even accept your sister's decisions in life? you cant even be a sister to just be there for her? she is not even asking for anything, and what did she get? millions of stab wounds behind her back! from people that share the same father and mother! who the fuck are you to tell ANYONE how to live their fucking life! whereas your own pathetic life is far from stable! you have 1 kid, no job, filthy rich husband - and you think you know whats best for others??? really??? if your answer is YES, than you are much more stupid that i thought!

remember, i know ALL your past shit! and reflecting on that, you dare call her a rebel? ungrateful? you are the most ungrateful person i have met! and this is not even me talking about how you 'remember' my parents' role in your life! because, hey, after all, my parents are not blood, right? but your own sister? she has always been there for you, through your endless bitching and whining about your poor little rich life! you may say that wealth is not everything. thats true, and i have seen many millionaires that is totally unhappy. but you dont see them telling others how to live their lives, do you??

so, conclusion is.. SHUT D FUCK UP and mind your own fucking business! And for God's sake, leave her alone to live her life. if her decision is a mistake and in the future she gets screwed over, it was her decision and she learn something from that blunder, the hard way. but thats life!

do me a favour, just stay in that Nazi land! it fits your character to the tee!! and she doesnt need you. i think thats whats pissing you off huh? that she realised that she doesnt need you in her life! that she is doing just fine without you. after all, you constantly need to be the center of attraction and anything and everything that happens in this world, is all about you in the end1 talk about classic narcissist = "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy". yup! thats you!

you see, in order to be a really good family or friend to someone, you not only accept their good behaviour, but their flaws as well! you empathise their problems and feelings, you be there for them, at anytime, anywhere. thats how true honest relationships are built and sustained!

i may not have a degree, but it doesnt take a fucking genius to figure that out! its common sense! which i see is not commonly used by many, including you.

thats it. im not gonna talk about you anymore. you're just wasting my time and space here in my blog. but i still do it because i have had it! if it were up to me, i would be saying this straight to your face! but i respect my best friend's wishes and not 'play with pigs - coz i will get dirrty and you will be happy'! im just gonna flush you down the drain!


Sita, we have been friends since we were in kindy! thats 25 years!!!

i love you, and no matter where you go, i will always be here for you. i am so proud of you... you have finally found some voice and backbone. soon, you will get your full spine and roar to those who have wronged you. and i shall be waiting there, right beside you, helping you fight them off! welcome to the club babe! now, you're on your way in becoming a bitch! i like! :D

this blog is dedicated to all of your ENEMIES! because your enemies, are mine as well!

the war is on!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

self realisation

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)

"Like you'll never see me again" by Alicia Keys

These words describe exactly how i felt a couple of days ago. It was not from lack of attention from him or he ddint call or he didnt express himself well.....nothing of that sort.

When i didnt hear his voice the whole day, it suddenly popped in my head that this is a glimpse of my life if he is no longer with me.

And it broke my was physicaly painful, not to mention emotionally disturbing. I have never felt like this before.

I hated him for making me feel this way! And i told him so. i cant believe i did that but i did.

i know its not fair for him, but i had too. it was just too overwhelming.

but of course he soothed me and made me smile again. and only he can do that.

damn it!

in my younger days, i vowed not to end up physically or emotionally dependant on anyone, especially men. because i have seem marriages fail and mostly due to men's sheer stupidity.

but this man...has manage to not only steal my heart, but has successfully made me think i am unable to love no one else other than him.

i just pray to God, he will never break my heart.

Please yayang...dont. because you have all of me, and i mean A L L.

Friday, December 4, 2009

i turn to u

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.
And when I'm scared and losing ground;
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.

And when I'm down you're there; pushing me to the top.
You're always there; giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

When I lose my will to win,
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing; 'cause your love inspires me.

And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith that gets me through the night.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
for a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to....
I turn to you.

I love u sayang. Thank you for being my best friend and soul mate.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


i cant get a good night sleep these past few days.

i dont know why..

some say maybe because i have problems or maybe i am sad or depressed...

but im not.

yeah i do have small problems but its being settled and its not too big of a problem.

i even went to bed early thinking that maybe me sleeping late most of the time was the problem.

but that didnt work either.

i woke up still sleepy and tired!

my nights are filled with really active dreams that woke me up several times a night. but if u ask me to tell you what are my dreams - i seriously cant remember!

weird huh?

i desperately need to get some good zzz! if not i will become a zombie and in the long run, i will be very edgy and irritable - and i will start lashing it out on others. especially my yayang.

so, gonna find remedies to help me sleep better..

wish me luck!