broken heart

sad is an understatement of the century if i am forced to decribe how i feel right now. i think heart broken is the nearest to what i am going through right now.

i am sad that i am included in the same group as those morons that did not fully support and belittled you from the begining.

i am just very confused with what you said and what you wrote, because its contradicting. i have never stopped or criticised you for expressing yourself. in fact i dare take the credit for unleashing your new outspoken self. before this what did you do? be honest. you cry, keep quiet and after awhile, make as if nothing happen. and after a long while, you even forgave them and be nice back to them. i dont really understand why but i still have very much respect for you because it takes a bigger person to do what you do. but after awhile you bitched that you are being ridiculed and pushed around and you're fed up. so, who told you to stand up for what you believe in and just speak up?

if you conveniently forgotten all those long talks we have, then i have nothing to say.

if you are telling me now that you want to forget what we have been through, then i have nothing to say.

if you are telling me that i too cant express how i feel honestly about you, then i have nothing to say. at least i am honest with you. you prefer me to sweet talk to you but later bad mouth you behind your back like the rest?

i have NEVER shut you out like the rest in your life. i just simply told you i am tired of looking at you contradict everything that you said and later get burned.

thats all.

i still and always will have your pictures in my handphone and ipod.

i have never stopped loving you.

i have never stopped supporting you.

i am even crying as i am typing this now.

i have known you for 26 years! and you have really hit me straight through the heart this time...

but you know what?

call me stupid but i will still be here for you, when you need me, because thats what i vowed to you and i will keep my word.

it pains me that you misunderstood me. but its alright.

i refuse to say good bye. because i will always be here for you.

i wish nothing but the best for you. i only want you to be happy.

you will forever be in my heart...

i love you, always...

e n o u g h

stop

please

just stop

i am so fuckin tired

tired of listening to the same chant but i know ....

i just know la

i am not tired of being there for you

supporting you

loving you

being your best friend even if you dont want me to be anymore

i am not tired of that

but i am tired of going through the same song and dance

even though you are telling the world you are different

you are more determined

you are stronger

you are starting anew

throwing out the garbage

trust me i want to believe you

but untill u stick to it.....

*sighs*

i am tired

just wake me up when you have succeeded in what you have vowed to do and not do

love you still babe

its just that.....

i am tired

i am a L I O N E S S

I was listening to this song this morning, and I smiled. The lyrics are sooo empowering. And i think its befitting for a close friend of mine that is going through a rough patch in her life. This song paint an exact picture of how i live my life. So, I hope it would help you to find your stand and to identify who you are.

"Now that you're out of my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Thought that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without you
Sold 9 million

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin

Thought I couldn't breathe without
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon be here

I'm wishin' you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon lie on you and your family
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines
('m better than that)
I'm not gon compromise my Integrity
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that

After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I'll gain prosperity"

"I'm a Survivor" - Destiny's Child.

Ok, thats it. I am fed up of trying to keep motivating people that clearly are half bake-all talk, no action-hypocrites. Enough about this continuous dependent-i have no choice-low self esteem-im a victim-crap! Because no matter how strong the lyrcis are, or no matter if you have gazzillion people that support and believe in you, but if you do not fully believe, or put your 200% and do things half heartedly - then what is the fuckin point?? You'r not in your teens to be always this fucked up and lost. But then again - OLD DOGS NEVER LEARN NEW TRICKS. They just package it differently - but its still the same old trick.

Moral of the story: Dont be a dog, be a...

L I O N E S S - Beautiful, Independant, Calm and Confident, Fierce yet Feminine.



I AM A LIONESS