Thursday, October 1, 2009


i hate this uneasy feeling. i hate having doubts. i hate that i no longer have that trust.

i am crying inside.

i am in pain, deeply.

im sick to my stomach - feel like puking.

Seumur hidupku
Setia menanti
Walau di hati saja...
Seluruh hidupku
Kau tetap milikku

Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali
Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi
Teramat berarti di hatiku

Seumur hidupku
Kau tetap milikku

- "Mencintaimu" Kris Dayanti

i have faith.

i shall hold on to that.

shoe freak!

stands up, looks around and said in a soft yet clear tone of voice:

"hello, i am yana and i am a shoe-holic...."

yes, i am. i need help. i L O V E shoes!! all types of shoes!

sandals - flats or heels

boots - ankle, calf, knee cut and flats or heels

strappy shoes

sexy shoes
s&m looking shoes
matron-looking working shoes

branded shoes

no brand shoes

i love them ALL!!

whenever i go to places, especially malls, even when just recently bought shoes, when i pass by shoe stores, i will always look. and i will always spot one that i like.
oh God!

and it doesnt help that my beloved indulges me and pampers me. i know he wants to make me happy and for that i thank him. i love you yayang.

aaahh! to hell with it! i shall embrace this weakness of mine and be proud of it!

long live to shoppoholics!! long live shoe-holics!! :P


i was swaying..

i literally felt myself moving from left to right. i tought i was very dizzy and about to faint. that is not good because i am in the middle of training.

but when i heard whisperings from other saying that they felt movement, i looked up at the chandeliar. it was shaking hard and getting faster.

i immediately stopped the training and ordered everyone to head out calmly and to follow hotel staff orders.

my main concern was the trainees safety. when i didnt see sita, i thought, ok, she went down with the others. so, i waited fo rthe hotel staff to lock the training room as i have laptops there. few leaders stick around with me, and then all of a sudden i heard sita shouting and running towards me n hugged me. she frantically told me in a shrieking voice that its earthquake and we must get out fast! she said when she was told we are experiencing earthquake, she immediately thought of me. that was sooo sweet. and funny looking at her panicking.

i dont know why, i was so calm, too calm i guess. i was walking leisurely and laughing... until i was outside of the hotel, and saw people were grouping and heard some of them expressing their fear.. then it dawned on me what had happened, and i got scared of rizal's safety, and called him. once i found out that he was ok (he was in KK), he wasnt effected, i was truly reliefed.

then i finally got a bit scared of what had happened. of the thought of i could have been underneath the hotel rubble.

this was my second time that i experienced the quake. the first time was in singapore, when i joined rizal fo rhis training there. that was worse. i was alone, sleeping in the hotel room, on the 20th floor. the trembles woke me up as i felt myself sliding left to right on the bed. my heart stopped and i immediately called rizal.

even though it was a bit of scare for me, i didnt see my life flashing before my eyes, like some people would experience when facing a possible near death incident. but i am awfully proud of myself for not reacting and stayed calm and ensuring other in my care was put out of harm's way.