R . I . P

Its been so long..... I have forgotten how to do this!

How do I begin? Where do I start? Its especially difficult for me to fully express myself when it comes to extremely painful issues. Hence the reason why I havent blogged for quite awhile. A lot of traumatic incidents have happened in the last 2 months. I just couldnt find the right words to describe my true feelings, and weirdly I am still hoping that it was all a bad dream. That I would soon wake up and all will be well. Thats why I couldnt blog. Because by blogging, I would have to admit that it was all true and the pain will come rushing in, and I wasnt sure if I could take it.

But now, I feel that I can. Now, is the right time. I am ready (I think, I hope!).

Father...

I held on to you when I lost Papa. I held on to you because loosing Papa was too much to bear and I felt lost, alone. It hurts too much! Even after 6 years, I still miss him terribly. I wish he is here to see how well I have become. I wish he is here for me to pamper him, to share my joys and insecurities. But alas, he is not here any longer. I still feel the pain as if it happened only yesterday.

I had wonderful memories with you, Father. Playing mahjong till wee hours of the morning.. listening to you tell stories of your life back then.. *sighs* I am sooo gonna miss that!

Even though you pretty much keep to yourself, you comforted me by just being there. You may not know but your strong presence gave me strength and confidence to go on. And now that you are gone, it will never be the same again.

I have yet lost another father. The pain, the void.... is undescribable.

I will miss you a lot, Father. I am sorry that I did not show my love for you more often or better. But God knows how much I love you.

The only comforting thought is that now you no longer suffer. You are in a much better place.

Love you, Father.

REST IN PEACE