" Confessions of A Short Fused Woman"

Short fused.

What is it, really?

Is it a temperament due to lack of self restraint or a disease that is difficult to control?

I would really love to get an answer to that question. Because, (standing up and looking around the crowd..) I am a short fused woman. (Like in an anonymous meeting! heheh!)

Well, they say that's the first step. Acknowledging that it is a problem.

But the million ringgit question here is, how the hell to control it??

I have been suffering with this 'ailment' since the day I understand whats right and wrong. So, needless to say, a very long time.

My mother said its in my genes. Wow! Isn't great to be able to blame my ancestors for my undesired trait. If only that is totally true. That would make my life much, much easier. My mother also told me to calm myself down whenever I am pissed off about something or at someone. But hey, it is a lot easier said than done. Some people recommend to take a deep breath and count to ten, slowly. Been there, done that. That approach can buy my 'victim' some time to get away from me. But this is assuming that he/she is smart enough to do that. If they're not, which is usually the case, it does not help one bit.

I tried thinking about good and soothing stuff like, sitting by a beautiful white sandy beach with a nice breeze playing with my hair and birds flying freely in the bright blue sky..... I got to admit, that sometimes does work. But unfortunately for my 'victim', they tend to think that I am afraid to confront them and take advantage of the situation by trying to outsmart me, verbally. Big, big mistake. All that serenity just came crumbling down and the flaming bad tempered ogre emerges and all is lost.

Sometimes my 'victims' are truly victims. That means they are innocent, they do not mean to irritate me or to antagonise me. But somehow they still do. By just being there or its just as simple as me not liking how they look. In that case, I would really try to control the beast in me because its simply not their fault.

Today, I 'ran over' the person I loved the most. I was tired and irritable. He was just being nice to me and trying to coax me to do something that I am not so comfortable with. At normal times, I would just whine and make him do it for me. And usually it works. But today, I was Short Fused. As usual, at first he would try to remain calm and try to encourage me by giving positive comments. I as usual when in that short fused moment, will not notice this until its too late. But its not entirely my fault. Its 95% mine and 5% his fault. He knows me pretty well. Therefore, he would know I am in no mood to indulge in his little effort to educate me and just drop the subject. But he persist on. And when he got pissed off, then I realise the communication breakdown. By then he would 'man sulk' and remain cold for quite awhile. This has been going on for the past six years that we know each other, And I have a strange feeling it will continue until the day we die. God willing. But I think that's what makes our relationship so bloody unique. Weird but true. I love you, yayang. Thanx for putting up with my insufferable self.

I guess I will pursue in finding the right method to defuse my short temperament. To ensure I am able to socialise and not offend anyone. Wish me luck!