Roller coaster weekend

*pheew*

Last weekend was an emotional roller coaster ride!

There were equal parts of ups and downs. Even though the down was heart breaking, excruciatingly painful but by airing it out, it resolved a lot of issues. I wouldnt trade or change anything.

I learned a lot about myself. Not so good stuff. Traits that I vowed not to have or become. *sighs*

Thinking back at what was said, I still cringe and heart still hurt and broken into a gizzillion pieces. I still cant believe that happened. I mean considering my 'unique' lifestyle, I was sure that would never happen. I guess its true, never say never.

I have decided to not dwell on it and move on. And look at it as a lesson learned the hard way.

But how do I trust him again? He broke my ultimate principle and my heart. How do I know whatever he said is exactly what he is feeling or doing?

I put up a brave front after the initial shock and outburst of tears. I want him to see that I am not what he thought I was.

But deep inside, I am still crying. I am still hurt. I am still bleeding.

I cant tell him. Well not in person. I cant tell him what he did was extremely painful and the wound is very deep. And it doesnt help that I am physically in pain due to my hormonal issues. Talk about double mega huge gigantic whammies - "dah jatuh, ditimpa gunung!" (new version!)

I have failed. I am a huge failure. I have failed as a wife and a woman.

But I am not a quitter. I will not give up. I will give my all, even if it means sacrificing my life, I will do it.

I just hope he is patient enough and understand me and would never hurt me, again. Because he vowed not to.

God, please gave us strength and patience to go through this rough patch in our life.

Al-Fatehah..........................AMIN.