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Sunday, September 7, 2008

31 years

5Th September 1977.. 31 years ago, I was born.

I was an accidental pregnancy. My mum doesn't even know she was carrying me. She ate a lot of things that she's not suppose to, like pineapple, and ate tonnes of it! And on top of that she asked my cousin, who was extremely big at that time, to step on her back because she have a terrible back ache. She only knew she was pregnant after a couple of months. Miraculously, I am still strongly in tact in her womb. My mum keep saying, even then, I am already very stubborn.

I have been through quite a lot of things. Good, bad, funny and even weird stuff and not to mention the colourful people I've met. And I am proud to say, the combination of all those incidents have made me what I am today. I would not change anything, even situations that hurt me. For me, there's always a reason and a blessing for everything.

This year my birthday was pretty relaxed. Not that I mind, but it was different. I find it quite calming. After all, I am 31 years old already. I cant expect to celebrate it like I am some teenager. Well, I could if I want to, but this is quite nice too. Maybe because this year my birthday falls on fasting month have a lot to do with it. But I kinda like the fact that its on fasting month. Weird huh?

Rizal's gift was different this year. He gave me six empty 4R silver frames. I smiled when I saw it and hugged him tightly. Maybe you guys don't understand but you see, we bought a digital camera last week. And he knows I love to take pictures. Therefore, instead of giving the usual accessories (not that I don't love them!), he gave me the creativity freedom of taking our photos. He always surprises me when it comes to presents for me! Thank you, my love. I love it!

This year I was surprised to see quite a lot of people actually remembered my birthday. I received a lot of sms and I thank you all. It was a very pleasant surprise.

The night of my birthday, we gave mummy a surprise by going back and brought back lots of yummy food to eat. She was so happy and so was I and we ate so much! We talked till late at night and had lots of fun. We even had sahur together after such a long time. While having sahur, I noticed Rizal's version of sahur is drinking lots of water and smoking, which is so similar to Papa. God! I miss him so much! My heart aches! But I didn't show it in front of anyone, especially mummy. She is already very sensitive at this time of the year. But I wish he was here. So that he can finally be proud of me.

Its been 5 years already. I thought that with as years pass by, it wouldn't be so heart wrenching anymore. But, I was wrong. Its still lingering in my heart. Especially now, that I am finally doing well. Its doubly hard for me to get over the fact that Papa is no longer with me. I always expect him to be with his bonsais, trimming them. It doesn't help that he is a quiet person, so its like his still around , just not saying anything much. I miss you so much, Papa. I wish you are here to share my happiness. I hope that you are proud of me. Love you Papa!

What a birthday has it turn out to be. Its definitely different and soothing. Hey, maybe this is a sign I am no longer the crazy bitchy woman that I was before. Maybe I am finally growing up. Hmm.... NAH! I am still ever so crazy and even more bitchy! And I am damn proud of it!! So, look out people, Yana is here to stay! (whether you like it or not!)




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