LOVE/HATE

How can I explain it?

I am so fucken happy for him.. He is finally truly happy at work.. He is bloody good at what he does.. And he is being recognised and paid well for it.

How can I tell him.. I am so fucken screwed up torn up inside!

I love that all is working well for him, but I hate the fact that its taking him away from me. Now is still not too bad. Its getting worse but its gonna be worse once he goes international.

Too make it worse, its not his fault. He is so sweet. Even when I don't tell him, he knows i don't like it each time he goes out station. But he never said anything and he tries his best to compensate for the lack of time, so he thinks.

He doesn't seem to understand that that's not the issue. No matter how much 'quality' time he spends with me, when his not beside me, he is just simply not there. I am not sure if that made sense to anyone else, but it does to me.

I keep saying that I am a fucken selfish bitch! Many say no, its normal. But how can this extreme pain be normal??

I keep telling him, don't worry I'll toughen up, I'll work it out, I'll get over it.

Will i ever?

But I don't wanna get use to the idea that he's not around.. I have seen too many marriages fail due to a spouse got use to their significant other's absence.

I broke down last night.

I hate this feeling of deep hollow in my soul.

I HATE IT!

I don't wanna loose him.

He is my best friend.

Oh God! Help me get through this.

Al - Fatehah (for me!)