surprises in life

isnt this a lovely picture?

whenever i look at it, i get overwhelmed with mixed feelings that incidently concurrent with recent incidents in my life.

yes, i know... i havent blogged for a long while. i have no solid excuse besides i just didnt feel like exposing too much of my vulnerability here.

but its time now.... its time to let it out. that is the main reson why i have this blog in the first place - to be able to channel all my feelings the healthy way.

where shall i begin? *sighs*

a lot has happened from the last time i blogged. there were good as well as bad moments. hence, the poetic picture above - it translates my feelings beautifully.

how can i express similar past problems differently? i understand that there will always be conflicts and disputes. though many dread and bitch about it, surprisingly those i can handle. if i have made a mistake, i shall apologise and learn from that mistake. i like constructive criticism as it would allow me to have some form of control of how best to handle the situation. but when it comes to trust and intergrity, especially mine - i am dead serious about it. i dont give my trust easily and i will avoid at all cost any situations that would give an oppurtunity to compromise my intergrity. my late father always said, we are measured not by our wealth and popularity, but by our integrity.

i know i have high expectations of others to feel, think and do as what i would do. dont ask me why, its just me. due to this trait, i am always disappointed.

the saddest part is that i am extremely disappointed by one of my closest person in my life. the person i least expect to hurt me as much as she did. due to the fact that she knows me for more than 20 years! therefore you would think she would know me better than anyone and would not intentionally hurt me. but alas, i am strongly mistaken.

the person that i have regarded as my best friend somehow felt that i do not deserve to be hers. instead she uses me to get to her lover. at first i didnt see it, or refuse to see it. but i cant deny it any longer when she shall rather be in the company people that betrayed her more than me. people that uses her in every way and is insincere towards her.

but as for me, all i want is to be able to be her friend and take care of her. but as usual, i am misunderstood.

but i am a strong woman. i have gone through many hurdles in life, far too many times to let her pull me down. if she doesnt want my friendship, its her loss. there are plenty out there that craves and yearns for strong bond of friendship that i have offered.

i wish you well and all the happiness in the world.

i miss you.... and i loved you.

enough said.

as for the 'rainbow after the rain' moment in my life:

i am planning to go Beijing for 8 days and 7 nights! and to make things better, i am going with my loved ones - Rizal and Diane. another new place for me to explore and check off my list! cant wait to see the Great Wall of China and The Forbidden City!

Another great moment is when realised i have a very very good best friend that was right under my nose and i didnt realise it. she quiet but strong presence has always served me well through my hardships. she has the traits that i only dare to dream about, like high patience, always have a positive outlook in life, crazy and funny and the most important factor is that she accepts me for who i am. and therefore i am always comfortable being around her.

Diane Julia Sundram - i am eternally grateful to have you in my life. thank you.