Its my first time...so, be gentle..

I cant believe I'm actually doing this. Well no point in dwelling on that too much and just say what i want to say. But there lies the problem. What if I don't have anything to say? Yeah, right. That would be a first time! I always have something to say about anything. Even about things I don't really know that much. Weird huh? Well, that's me. Like my late father use to say about me, 'You can talk yourself out of anything!'.

But I so do not want to be like one of those people who writes boring stuff. But I am also not one of those high literature kind either. I am just a girl that's very opinionated, confident, cynical and brutally honest. Its no surprise that I do not have many friends. But I do have a handful of best friends that i trust with my life. That is a whole different story save for a another blog.

I use to view the world with much exasperation and disappointment. I do not trust people easily. and if anything good were to happen to me, I would usually ask a dozen questions as to why do i deserve it and what's the catch? Even my parents gave up on trying to save me from myself. I have always been the weird one in my family and that made me a very rebellious kid. I use to think I'm born in the wrong family. But don't get me wrong, i love my parents. I have no doubt of their love for me. Its just that I don't fit the family's mould. I feel stifled and suffocated. I cant be my true self because I fear I would hurt my parents.

My wise late father have always been extra patient with me. Its as if he could see that I view things so differently from him. And he can sense that I am lot tougher than what I allow others to assume. He knows i struggle to not bury my true self by trying to please them so much. He allows me to think and voice out my opinion and never be ashamed of it. I wish he was here to see that I have fully embraced myself and damn proud of it. For the first time in my life, for the past six years, I am truly happy. As I have found my saviour and soul mate. But I know that my dad knows this and is happy for me. I miss you so much, dad.