My Dear Sweet Friend Alice...

This is a story about a very very very she small sweet friend of mine - Alice.

She is the epitome of "looks can be deceiving".

She looks so sweet, timid, docile and fragile. But OMG, she is so opposite from that. She is firm in a quiet way, she is LOUD, her laugh is so unlady like and she swears..A LOT!

But she is an extremely nice friend, very funny and trustworthy.

Below are pictures that shows just a tiny fraction of what she is...enjoy! :)

BEFORE:


AFTER:





THE AFTERMATH:


Alice, stay just the way you are. Dont ever change!

At long last...

At long last.

After 13 years of working, I am finally recognised.

After so long of enduring moronic bosses, doing all their work and I having to bite my tongue when they get all the credit, and not to mention getting a lowsy pay, at last, now my work is noticed and recognised.

I am blessed having to work with smart, open minded bosses that truly values employees that are unique, creative and opinionated. And I am so happy that when they told me that they practice performance based KPI. At first I was skeptical as I have heard that phrased being misused by so many companies before. But I was assured the first 2 months I worked here.

I first joined the company as Business Executive. Then after working my ass off, they promoted me to Senior Marketing Executive. Mind you, I was still under probation. So, it was totally understandable for them to extend it for another month to evaluate me in this new job title and description.

So, when time is up and its time to confirm me, things were quiet. I grew anxious and start to reflect all that I have done. Was it good enough?

Then morning of Friday, 17th April 2009, at Naza Hotel Melaka, while smoking, H casually told me that he has bad news. He said he cant confirm me. I was upset and quickly asked why. He said after much deliberation from the HODs, they have decided that I am not suited to be Senior Marketing Executive, but as Assistant Manager!!

I was speechless!! And I was all teary and smiling like a bloody idiot! Hahahahah!!

Rizal and Sita was there too. Sita was smiling and hugged me and congratulated me. Rizal on the other hand just casually smile and with "I knew already la" look! F* him la! Hahahahahha...

I was so fucken happy, there are no words that could describe it!

It felt so good to hear your bosses proudly call you Assistant Manager for the first time in front of people. I felt so appreciated and proud of my self.

I called my Mum and told her the great news. I thanked her for all of her prayers. She was so happy and proud of me that she cried. She even later, prayed and thanked God for this blessing.

I just wished my Dad was here. I wished he was here to witness me finally being recognised and be someone. I Miss and Love you so much, Dad.

And definitely not forgetting the love of my life, my soul mate and best friend, Rizal. Thank you so much for all your support, advice and guidance. Love you, sayang.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.... Amin.

No! Not again..

Its back.

Just when I thought I am totally rid of it, its back to haunt and torture my life!

Why does it have to return, just when my life is finally in order and good things are happening!

It is making me so tired! And not too mention the emotional roller coaster ride that I have to endure! If it doesn’t affect others, I really don’t mind. But loved ones are victims of my many moods. When this happens, I feel so drained. I feel like a freak!

Once I had it under control and I was excited. For the first time in many years, I dare to think of little ones running around at home. I thought finally, I would be able to be a true woman – a daughter, a wife and finally….a mother. But now, I am not sure anymore.

Look, I can handle not able to be a mother. In fact I have been psyching myself that for the past five years. *sighs* But I can’t take it when I can’t even be a normal woman! A normal wife!

My biggest fear is that I would loose him. I don’t know how long he is patient. Don’t know how long he wants to be with me. Don’t know how long it would be when he just tolerates me being with him. Don’t know how long he would still love me.

I don’t want to give up…not yet. I know many said I am still young. But they are not in my shoes, living in this body and going through this….’condition’ for years! I am just so tired of it! Sometimes, I just feel like getting rid of it for good and just make the best of the rest of my life. At least I know what I am and I will adapt my life to it. But now…OMG!

I am tired. Dead tired.

God, help me, please…