Thank God Almighty!

Alhamdulillah...

I am extremely happy and thankful as I got something that I have been eyeing for quite awhile.

In fact, it was more than I expected. I sometimes forgotten how much I am worth. It has been awhile since I contribute my two cents and I am glad that it is still valueble.

I do hope and pray that this would be The One. Of course I would do my part by giving my best and try not to screw it up.

I would also like to thank my other half for his patience and tolerance through out the two and a half years of ups and downs. Without him I would have given up an settle for whatever that comes my way. He is a God sent!

Not forgetting of course my mother that constantly prays only the best for me. I am sure this is partly because of her persistant prayers for my well being. Thank you, mom. There is no amount of wealth that could ever be even in the same ficinity as your love for me. I love you.

And last but not least, my one and only Creator. I am humbled by your generousity and will always be your loyal and grateful servant.

La Ila Ha Illallah, Muhamadur Rasullullah...

Lucky Biatch..

I've got a headache.

A good headache.

I have a got two great offers.

And I have to choose one.

I am not good at deciding between great choices. Usually, I will always find a way to get both. But this time, I can't do that.

I am so torn I get gastric attacks and I can't sleep well at night.

Each offer has its pros and cons.

The first is a new found passion of mine and I'm totally comfortable with the environment. Now just waiting for the come back to my offer. Which if it is agreeable, would be totally cool and would solve my dilemma once and for all!

The other has a totally out of this world benefits and that would be great in the long run, financially. Therefore, I am not cutting it off till I know for sure the first one is no longer on the table.

Now is the sucky part. Waiting.

And guess what? I am not good in that as well!

My 'rock' also feels my pain, even though he finds my flustered disposition amusing. And offer no help by saying 'its up to me'..

I do hope to get this turmoil of mine over and done with it, soon. Before I die of over thinking!

Please God! You know what I really want and preffer. So please open that path for me!

Miss you.....

Its been 5 years since you left us.

Wow! How fast time flies! But there's never a day you're not in my thoughts.

Every decision, opinion and action, will automatically prompt me the question.... would he have approve of it? What would he say or think? Is he proud of me? These questions will always be in my mind. Its not that I cant let him go. Its just that I wish he would be able to see how I am now, happy and proud to be who I am, and take pride in it because he have a lot of influence of how I live my life.

I know a lot of people say they understand how I feel, but unless they have lost their loved one, they wouldn't fully understand. And I do not wish it for anybody, even my worst enemies.

The feeling that he couldn't be there to share the joy and pride of my first property or get to see his future grandchildren, is heart wrenching.The feeling you get when you know you cant run to him for advice or to just cry on his shoulder and him telling you everything's going to be alright is simply heart breaking. That sense of security that is there since the day you were born is suddenly taken from you, is very hard to replace. Even though I am lucky enough to have another form of it from my beloved husband but its still not the same and thank God he understands.

I sometimes envy my sister because she get to share her adult life with him. She was able to put a big smile on his face even a laugh or two by giving him what money cant buy, his most cherished grandchildren. What did i offer him? I sometimes ask myself that, over and over again. I feel like I didn't do enough to make him proud to call me his daughter. I wish I had more time with him.

I miss his words of wisdom, his quirky jokes and he's very presence in my everyday life. He may be quiet, but you know he is there for you and will do anything to protect you.

He is much respected by his peers, family, relatives and even high dignitaries. He is an intellect with a heart of gold. He often share others' grievances and tries his best to help. He always puts others first before himself. Now I wish he had taken better care of himself so that he could be with me now.

Each time I get these feelings, I comforted myself by repeatedly telling myself he is in a much better place where he wouldn't be in pain anymore. And I know, somehow, he is watching. And I do hope he is smiling looking down at me.

I am very proud to have him as my father and proud to be his daughter.

My love and prayers will always be for you, Papa.

I miss you so much..

Al-Fatehah..