am i back?

well, i guess i am back to blogging. (or i sure hope i would stick to it much longer, this time!)

i dont know why but when i'm extremely stressed or depressed, i cant express it via a blog. maybe because theres no exact words to describe how i feel when all those shit happened to me.

So why am i blogging again? I have no clue. I just felt the sudden urge to blog.

for now i'm just expressing my confusion on why i am back to blogging. i will come back when i am ready to fully express myself.

sorry....i thought i was ready, i guess not.

M.I.A.

woah....

it has been that long since i last blogged! i had a long streak of 'not in the mood'! i just didnt want to talk or blog about anything.

so many things happened - good and bad. well, mostly bad, real bad. that pushed me over the edge to not blog! i know its weird because most people want to express themselves especially during trying times but me, i just curled up and went on silent mode.

now i got that sllighbt tick to blog about some of the things that have happened in my life. some if not all.

the problem is i just dont know where to start.

danm it!

oh well, this blog would be a good start i guess. cant straight away spill out all my gutts! hehehe..

Beijing - Part 4

SHOPPING HAVEN

Beijing is a definite shopping haven!! I LOVE shopping here! We only get to go to 3 places out of numerous heavenly places to shop your heart out!

Silk Market

The variety of boots here is....OMG! To die for! Its like I am in shoe heaven!!

I bought 2 UGG boots here. Before you jump to the idea that its counterfeit, ITS NOT! Its original, straight from the factory here, and therefore its freakingly CHEAP!

PEARL MARKET

We forgot to take pictures inside the market. To best surmise it is the place to go to buy cheap knick knacks as souvenirs for your loved ones at home!

We took a coffee break at this cute lil al fresco cafe...

...and this quite cute Chinese waiter! Diane was smiling and we were both all smiley and saying: Ni How Ma.. ahahahahahahah!!

Next is Panjiayuan Market

It is an old district of shopping haven for antiques. The architecture is... wow!

This is a pure fur shop. I know, I know its wrong but OMG! They are exquisite!! Check out Diane with that REAL stuffed wolf!

Well thats just a bit of the shopping nirvanas in Beijing! Cant wait to go back there again! Yes, I am going back there again - TO SHOP!!

Beijing - Part 3

Tiananmen Square

Yes, here I am at the biggest and most historical infamous square in the world!! And it is REALLY HUGE! We didnt even know we were on the square! The four side of this square are four huge historical buildings! Thats how big it is!

On this gigantic square, there are 2 HUGE LONG HD flat screens!! WOW!

These are the soldiers that were everywhere in Beijing! I feel so safe!

These next 3 pictures are the official flag lowering ceremony. They do this everyday!! Superb!

Met some locals there and they speak English. They were friendly and had a very interesting conversation. Chinese are nice and warm people!

And this is how it looks like at night - beautiful! This is the only time when its cool to be square! ehehheeh...

Beijing - Part 2

Sorry it took so long but tonnes of things happened and lots to do! Well, better late than never eh?

Next part of pictures from Beijing would be my historical trip to The Great Wall of China!! Yes! I did it!! I actually went up there!

It was breathtakingly beautiful!! No words to do it justice! So i shall let the pictures speaks for itself!

This is how i reach to the top! Its damn fun!!

This is the name of the place where we entered the Great Wall.

This is the beginning of the journey! And I am already speechless with the spectacular view!

Me with my loved ones going through this fabulous adventure! But my other BFF is not with us! Miss her through out the entire experience! Alyssa - wish you were there with us! :P

Check out the first post of this side of the wall.

The architecture is beautiful, even on a mere outpost!

Check out the amount of stairs!! and this is not even a quarter of it!!

Check out the scenery behind me! Postcard picture perfect!

Found a very cool furry friend up there in the mountains with the majestic Great Wall! And can u believe it its stray?? I soooo wanna take it home!! And its so friendly!

My favorite moment - i am so happy that i can do this historical journey for me with my dear hubby! I dont think i could have done it without him! Thanks Sayang!

Ok, I hope this video would be able to fully give some idea of what its like being up there! Enjoy!

Beijing - Part 1

My trip to Beijing, China...... No amount of words can fully describe my feelings when arriving at this beautiful country! Its rich with history of thousands of years! It really humbles me and opened my eyes to how young Malaysia is and that we have so much to learn.

And any trip would be even greater when shared with loved ones. I went with my beloved hubby and one of my best friends - Diane. However, my entourage is incomplete because my other bestie/sister cant join us - Alyssa. Next time, no excuses hunn. You are so coming along!

As you know Beijing is not small, so I have to tell my stories in parts. This round, is the most biggest castle in the world....... FORBIDDEN CITY.

In China, nothing is mediocre. Everything is either really big and/or really old as well as extremely beautiful! Now this is just one of the city's extremely huge 'gates'! Talk about first impressions eh?

And almost anywhere you go, you will see some of these guys standing all straight and serious! I really have high respects towards these smart looking men! i can never do what they do!

Yes everywhere we go, we will do silly stuff! Even in Forbidden City! This is me and Diane trying to lift a big ass latch for the big ass door!! hahahaha! You should have seen the looks we get! it was hilarious!

Me posing away at this beautiful bridge. Its handcrafted marble bridge! wow....

Look at this! Isnt this just breathtaking! i got all teary eyed when i first stepped in here. I simply cant believe I am actually here in Forbidden City! *sighs*

Oh, this is that big ass door I was talking about earlier! isnt just big and beautiful?? can i take this home?? hehehe...

Me and dear hubby posing at the Imperial Garden. There are so many beautiful and weird looking trees here and they are all so old! Its so peaceful and so romantic!

This is just one of the many gateways in this huge palace! I simply LOVE the architecture! Absolutely breathtakingly exquisite!

There are many many more pictures! I dont want to flood it all here. Wanna see it, go to my facebook (for those who knows my FB profile).

I am certainly going back to Beijing! I am sure this is one of my favorite cities!

More stories and pictures coming up! Wait for Part 2 of my Beijing trip!

yeah yeah....I AM BACK!

I am baaackk!

Yes it's been awhile since my last blog but been super busy and went through several emotional roller coasters! I was so preoccupied I didn't feel like rambling here or to anyone! Well, now i am ready because all is well and things are moving along nicely for me of late.

A lot has happened - good and bad, as usual. but i cant bitch because as long as i have my soul mate with me, im fine.

Love you more, my love.

My Playbook

BLACKBERRY PLAYBOOK

This is the ultimate gadget that I want!

Its perfect....well, for me it is!

I LOVE it!

I shall have you....soon.

I cant seem to be able to describe you well, therefore i shall let you speak for yourself.

Here is a little teaser of whats great to come!

its time

i had only 3 hours of sleep!

and i can foresee this will be on a frequent basis as long as my 'dear' boss goes on like this.

i dont think my body can take it. i am not getting any younger, even though my heart is 18, but i dont have the time to give my body a break!

i am........... tired.

i need to have a more stable career that doesnt involve weird extreme working conditions. my body is sreaming for some TLC.

And i am finally listening to it.

*sighs*

even though it wouldnt be easy for me to leave, i know i have to sooner or later. and if i have a very good offer, i better take advantage of it now then later when i might not get offers showered on me. its tough competition out there. but i will toughen up my heart and just jump!

bcoz i am ............ tired. dead tired...

BFF

Rizal
Alyssa
Diane

at first there were 4 people in my life that earned that title i gave them. but now theres only 3.

the one that was stripped off the title was the one person i never expected to loose. i dearly cared and loved her so much......

I thought i knew her, and for a long while i really believe i knew her and thought she loved and cared for me too...but i was wrong.

whatever lies she told others that i have witnessed all these years, i thought was only directed at others. but now i began to wonder and...doubt.

i felt she was pretending with me.....and the people she surround herself with....errrgghh! no words to describe them!

Thats it. i cant compromise my principles for such people.

But i know everything happens for a reason. i may not know exactly why that happened to both us, but i am happy now and living my life. i hope she is happy with her life too!

i am truly blessed to have my 3 BFFs! Thank you for being in my life! Love u guys! :D

the unexpected

i dont even know how to begin this topic...

some people say, hey its just a job. but the problem is, for me...a its not.

i love my job!

i love helping people, i love seeing their face lit up when they are healthier and/or wealthier! when u get some stranger hugging you tight, crying and thanking you for helping them get healthy or out of financial dilemma....its a rush! an undescribable feeling! thats what made me love this job!

it helps that my working environment is great too - fun and caring colleagues and cool, undertsanding bosses. Thats why i turned down one or two great offers that was offered to me in the past 2 years. i thought hey, i have finally found my place in this world. somewhere i can grow and be happy fo many years to come.

so i was shocked when my dear young boss said this to me in his email:

"As far as the Company is concerned all marketing should have asked to leave upon 2 years of failure."

"This company has provided much and still continues to provide even more in future. If you feel this way, LEAVE."

i was so crushed! after TWO years of pouring my heart and soul in this job and company! i sacrificed many weekends and family time to achieve the goal! And this is what i get? it all started with a small problem, and he manage to turn it around turn it to this very hurtful emarks. And after only half an hour he comes up to me and be funny and poking at me as if nothing happens. i cant pretend as well as he can. if im hurt, it shows and it will tae time to heal.

i wasnt angry, like i usually would. i was so sad.....so hurt. everyone that knows me knows how passionate i am about this company and my job. why cant he see that?

Rizal said he was just venting his frustatrations. but why dump it on me? He said to let it go. But i know he knows as he said that to me, its not going to be the same anymore.

I will still respect him as a boss, but that is all. i dont like how i felt that day after reading that dreadful email. and i dont want to go thought that again. it will always be imprinted in my head. now when i see him, all i remember is him saying that i am a failure! And i am so totally not! thats what hurts the most!

*sighs*

i get hurt again. i never learn my lesson! never get too close!

Im sorry H, my wall is up again...and i dont know when/IF it will ever be down for you..

high as a kite!

It was a very nice sunny afternoon and we were all invited to go to Diane's place for lunch because Rizal shamelessly asked for her mum to cook Devil's Curry! So, Rizal, Alyssa and myself went over and stuffed our face with so much of the ever delicious food, until i felt like a snake - crawl up somewhere and sleep!

But my favourite past time broke the spell and im wide awake - MAHJONG. I love playing mahjong! It involves strategy, behavarioul analysis and money - so whats not good about that?! hehehe...

During the many rounds of Mahjong, I finally know where Diane gets her nutty charm - her Mum! Her mum was hillarious! She is so cool and she made us all feel so comfortable and at home.

Diane's family is so super friendly that the women gang up on my dear hubby and made him HIGH! Yes.....HIGH AS A KITE! it was hillarious! He had about 3 glasses and off he flies to Neverland...flying high! So the girls were very much entertained by him! His face all red, grumbling and slurring as well as in the car, and then slept like a baby....all the way home. When he got home, went to toilet and straight went to bed! i had to force him to get up few hours later to ensure he ate something and drink lots of water and supplements! I know if i let him sleep through the night, he is going to regret it in the morning!

That was a very memorable afternoon! And i am sure it wont be our last!

P/S: Alyssa - welcome to the blogging world! you will love it! Now, lets get Diane to blog!! :D

M.I.A.

yes yes....i am back from the 'dead'!

it feels like centuries since my last blog. but hey, i didnt have the mood to blog and i dont wanna be 1 of those morons that write just for the sake of writing and end up blogging crap.

well, needless to say A LOT has happened since my last blog! cant recap everything and i dont think i wanna give my brain a cramp by trying. hmm, maybe some other time.

i just wished there is a software/apps that allows me to blog via my BB! then you will see tonnes of blogs from me, because now, i hardly use the laptop.

i guess the main event i am most looking forward to is my Beijing trip! another 40 days to go!

now i just have to get enough money to spend there!

H E L P

Waka Waka

yeah yeah....i follow World Cup.... dont act so surprise! there's lots of things that i like and dont like is still a mystery to many and this is one of it.

i support a couple of teams but my ultimate is Argentina.

i cant really seem to remember when exactly i start supporting them, but i think when i saw them playing in a league of some kind and when i saw those handsome well built men running around all sweaty...hmm...enough said.

then after the initial reaction of drooling, i saw how they played... so smooth, so skillfull and so talented!

My favourite is Messi. he is so cute! hehehhe....

But alas my favourite team lost to the 'Trees' Germans! *sobs*

But my babies put up a great fight, not giving up even when it will only take a miracle for them to win the match.

but i have to admit that the Germans is a formidable opponent! with their strong defense + fast counter attacks - they deserve to win.

in the past, Argentina would have done better but somehow that match, they were not in their A-Game mode.

Well, at least they won to my third favourite team - Germany. it was pretty hard for me when they were scheduled to compete against each other so soon. i love them both. i was hoping they would meet in the finals...but alas...

well, these are the teams i support in World Cup in order of most favourite to least.

1. Argentina
2. Brasil
3. Germany
4. Portugal
5. Spain

Well, now to see if any of my favourite teams left in the semi finals will win the cup!

my big big big secret

this is the first time i am writing about this.

well, indirectly writing about it. heheheh...

in this day and age, the truth is, my secret is no longer much of a taboo or forbidden... but i still have to keep it a secret. well, i have to because not many are as open minded as i would want them to be. and i dont want to force it down their throat and make them uncomfortable with me unnecessarily, because i love them too much. due to that, only a handful knows about this.

those who knows thinks its cool and rather sexy. in fact my dear beloved totally loves it and totally supports it. no surprise there, since he is a crazy psycho freak! (said that with love!)

i think i have known for quite awhile about my secret. ever since i was a teenager and i noticed that my focus is more to that than others. and i feel all tingly and goose bumps everywhere. and when i start dreaming of it, you would think i would realise it and admit it. but no. i thought it was just a fluke and my brain was just trying to mess with me or due to watching too much tv.

but i was forced to seriously think hard about it when i start imagining it, while im wide awake, in broad day light, more than once. at first it scared me, and i thought i was a freak. so i refuse to encourage it by thinking about it. i just keep telling myself i have a very high and wild imagination.

suddenly, one fine sunny day, all my hard work and discipline of forgetting about my lil secret, gone down the drain in a mili-second when the biggest 'test' hit me right in my face! unfortunately, i am a nice person so, i attract these 'tests' like a moth to a flame. but of course this particular 'test' did not know my secret. so, it was always there! just......lingering around me, enticing me and torturing me! and start becoming a huge major pain in the neck! i soooo want to take the 'test' and........!!! but my brains is telling me no, dont do it.

i was sooo torn and soooo tortured, until........... the 'test' gave me its answers! ALL access to the answers for me to fully use to take the 'test' and score!

and........i did.

oh god , i did! and i cant lie to you by saying its wrong and it made me feel like guilty, but it soooooo did not!! it was soooo good to finally be myself! all the pain and suffering of hiding my secret is gone! and, fyi - i scored the 'test' with flying colors!!

from then on, i did not feel like a big looser for having this secret. in fact it empowered me to be more confident and not really care what others think or say about me. and to start taking charge of my life. and not just sit on my ass and not do anything and allow others to just walk all over me! it was THE turning point in my life, where i am no longer the push over and transformed into this fierce confident sexy BITCH! :D

however, that does not mean i can shout out my secret to the whole world! its still a secret to many till today.

its ok. i am totally ok with it being a secret because the ones i care and love about the most knows about it and still loves me.

maybe one day i can and would tell the world about my secret. but till then, this is as far as i am willing to share. so for those that do not have a clue what the hell i have been ranting about in this blog, so sorry. if you dont know now, you will never know. so you would have to wait for that one day....

and for those who knows, you would understand this blog and smile. and i would like to say thank you for your support and love.

new stuff

Ok, here are some of the stuff i got and im bloody excited about:

SHOES
Two very comfortable shoes from Pedal Works! Got a great strappy red platforms and not forgetting my super cool denim heels...nice!

JEANS
To many of you, jeans? whats the big deal? well, it is for me! its been like forever since i last own and worn jeans! i got d classic boot cut dark blue denim. i love it!

HANDBAGS
Well, cant be too detail about this topic coz i got a few of these, compliments from my dear hubby! but they were big and beautiful! but my favourite is my big brown and black Fendi bag!!

FRIENDS
Oh yeah baby! my beloved surprised me with this for me for our anniversary - and he gave it early! all 10 seasons in only 6 DVDs!! OMG! i will never ever be bored of watching Friends! Never! Thanks baby, I LOVE YOU!

last but not least......

BLACKBERRY
Yes, yes...... i finally got the IN mobile phone! i am soooooooo in love with it! i get to do almost everything i do online with it! i dont have to lugg my laptop around anymore to get online! its the best stuff i got this year, so far!

well, thats about it.

missing

miss hugging you before i sleep

miss smelling your intoxicating scent

miss your strong arms around me

miss your kiss good night

miss kissing you goodnight

miss playing with your fingers

miss you soothing me with your fingers tracing my ear

miss waking up with you beside me

miss your cheerful morning voice greeting me

miss you pampering me

miss you calling me cute

miss your beautiful eyes, looking deep into my soul

miss your sexy lips smiling cheekily at me

miss you caressing my body with such tenderness

miss your craziness outlook of life

miss hearing you say ' i love you'


to sum it up...

i miss you,

my love

my best friend

my soul mate.

NOV 2010

Yesssssss!!!

in NOV 2010 - Rizal, Diane and myself, will be going to.....

BEIJING, CHINA!!!!!!!

we will be there for 8 days and 7 nights!!!
this is Beijing City




And....it will be S N O W I N G !!!!!! YEY!!
This is The Forbidden City


This is The Great Wall of China


And this is the map of the Forbidden City!


Cant wait to go!!!

surprises in life

isnt this a lovely picture?

whenever i look at it, i get overwhelmed with mixed feelings that incidently concurrent with recent incidents in my life.

yes, i know... i havent blogged for a long while. i have no solid excuse besides i just didnt feel like exposing too much of my vulnerability here.

but its time now.... its time to let it out. that is the main reson why i have this blog in the first place - to be able to channel all my feelings the healthy way.

where shall i begin? *sighs*

a lot has happened from the last time i blogged. there were good as well as bad moments. hence, the poetic picture above - it translates my feelings beautifully.

how can i express similar past problems differently? i understand that there will always be conflicts and disputes. though many dread and bitch about it, surprisingly those i can handle. if i have made a mistake, i shall apologise and learn from that mistake. i like constructive criticism as it would allow me to have some form of control of how best to handle the situation. but when it comes to trust and intergrity, especially mine - i am dead serious about it. i dont give my trust easily and i will avoid at all cost any situations that would give an oppurtunity to compromise my intergrity. my late father always said, we are measured not by our wealth and popularity, but by our integrity.

i know i have high expectations of others to feel, think and do as what i would do. dont ask me why, its just me. due to this trait, i am always disappointed.

the saddest part is that i am extremely disappointed by one of my closest person in my life. the person i least expect to hurt me as much as she did. due to the fact that she knows me for more than 20 years! therefore you would think she would know me better than anyone and would not intentionally hurt me. but alas, i am strongly mistaken.

the person that i have regarded as my best friend somehow felt that i do not deserve to be hers. instead she uses me to get to her lover. at first i didnt see it, or refuse to see it. but i cant deny it any longer when she shall rather be in the company people that betrayed her more than me. people that uses her in every way and is insincere towards her.

but as for me, all i want is to be able to be her friend and take care of her. but as usual, i am misunderstood.

but i am a strong woman. i have gone through many hurdles in life, far too many times to let her pull me down. if she doesnt want my friendship, its her loss. there are plenty out there that craves and yearns for strong bond of friendship that i have offered.

i wish you well and all the happiness in the world.

i miss you.... and i loved you.

enough said.

as for the 'rainbow after the rain' moment in my life:

i am planning to go Beijing for 8 days and 7 nights! and to make things better, i am going with my loved ones - Rizal and Diane. another new place for me to explore and check off my list! cant wait to see the Great Wall of China and The Forbidden City!

Another great moment is when realised i have a very very good best friend that was right under my nose and i didnt realise it. she quiet but strong presence has always served me well through my hardships. she has the traits that i only dare to dream about, like high patience, always have a positive outlook in life, crazy and funny and the most important factor is that she accepts me for who i am. and therefore i am always comfortable being around her.

Diane Julia Sundram - i am eternally grateful to have you in my life. thank you.

b a r e l y f l o a t i n g

wow

it has been almost 2 months since i last blogged.

its not that i dont have anything to blog, i just dont have the time!

especially of late i am a one woman show in my department. everyday, i have tonnes to do and very little time to finish them all! i dont even notice how time flies so fast.

my days are so full that most of the time in these past few months i feel like i am just floating by. i feel like i can hardly breathe. and in extreme times i feel like im struggling to keep myself afloat. i feel like each time i am finally able to breathe easy, theres always elements to push me back in the water.

i am so fucking tired.

tired of bullshit that people give me.

tired of being underestimated.

tired of being taken for granted.

tired of being unappreciated.

*sighs*

there is so much more to tell but i dont know where to begin.

work, personal, family....

the usual headaches... but also some extremely happy moments in between! :D

wont do the report now....too exhausted.

but soon ....very soon...

and lets hope that time does not jet thru my life to another 2 months! :P