Sunday, August 30, 2009

The BEST "Excercise" Ever!!

This weekend was the best! And it is not even over yet!

Rizal surprised me by coming back early from his trip! That was great news for me already. He asked me to wait at Muhibbah restaurant and he will meet me there to berbuka together. Even though he was late - not his fault, he is coming from Kota Baru - when I saw him and that disarming smile, I melted and cant help but smile like I have got a hanger in my mouth!! On top of that he gave me a bouquet of yellow-orange roses!! Oh, they are gorgeous!! Its been awhile since I got flowers from him..but Im not complaining, coz its shame to see such beautiful expensive beauty die just after a few short days. But I gotta admit, it feels damn good to receive 'em!!

Shopping for shoes!!!!! And at the same time, Rizal is gonna buy my birthday present as well. After a lot of guessing game and persuasion, I found out he was gonna buy me Dior's Poison!! Wow! It is my ultimate favourite perfume!! But I thought hard and told him more than spend a lot on just one thing for my birthday, and since its no surprise anymore, why dont you just give me money to buy what ever I want. He agreed and gave me.....RM500!!!!!!!! COOLNESS!!

So, we went to this warehouse sale of branded items at Parkroyal, it was a real disappointment. Nothing much to choose from and it wasnt much of a bargain. Oh well....then we head for Sg Wang - Shoe Heaven! This is where I found my fuckin sexy Raya shoes! I soooo love this shoes!! Even though its fuckin hard for me to even walk properly without almost falling, I dont care! Rizal agreed and said that I am not going on a marathon with it, just in and out of the car, from one house to bought it!!! I dont care if my feet bleed in it...I love it!!

Then we spotted this super cool sandals! I think its cool and Rizal thought its rather kinky in a Spartan kind of way! Hahahah.... And its confortable too! Its proven that it is comfy when i wear it to another shopping day on Sunday!!

Just when we wanted to call it a day, I saw this magnificent, mind blowing, superb hand bag! It was a cool professional executive looking bag, yet its still hip and funky! And the best part is just when I was afraid it will cost a bomb, its only RM139!! Rizal said just take it, and he said this is defintely for your birthday present! After RM20 Parkson discount voucher I only paid RM119! I simply LOVE this bag... (You will see in the picture with the matching heels and sandals below)

We went to Jalan Masjid India to buy Rizal's sampin. We ended up not only buying a very nice sampin, but a carpet as well!! Its for our dining area, as well as to be our praying area. Hence the carpet is super soft and comfy! We got a pretty good bargain for it! Its not too big but not small either, just nice and its only RM295!! The color is very soothing and calming and with a very nice abstract design. Cool!

Then we went to 1Utama. And for what you may ask? Thats right - more shoe shopping!!! Rizal insist on me buying a slip on sandal and shoes to match my superb executive bag. Hey, who am I to say no to shoe shopping, right? Anyways, I still have balance from my birthday gift money...wat the hell!

And my findings was worth all the pain of walking for almost 10 hours, for 2 consecutive days... First I found THE shoes that matched perfectly with my executive bag, to the tee!! I got it from Vinci, for only...ready now...RM75!!! woooohooo!!

While looking for sandals, we stopped by my fav blouse shop - FYI. They have sale - of coz, so I got my self this bright, colorful yellow blouse! Its RM 79. Nice!

Next, after searching hi and low for that perfect slip on sandal, just when I wanted to tell Rizal to call it a day coz if my feet could talk it would beg and cry for me to stop, but he insisted to go to Parkson in the new wing. Boy oh boy, thank god he decided to go there... The shoes and bags were...OMG! To die for!! Its sooo different from the Parkson in Sg Wang!! And I finally found THE perfect slip on sandals!! Its from Sembonia and it was slightly expensive, RM99. Rizal just said when you see what you love, grab it! And I soooo did!! And the design also matched my superb executive bag!! So now I have 2 shoes to choose to match that bag...



This is so far THE BEST birthday present EVER!!!!


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wasnt Meant To Be..

Now I can finally say what I was biting my tongue for the past 2 months!

I was offered a GREAT, once in a life time opportunity! It was totally unexpected and I have never even dreamt would happen to me!

One of my ex clients from the market research industry called me a month ago. She was soooo impressed by my work, she offered me a job.

I was floored!

You may think, ya, so what? Another job offer, right? WRONG! There was nothing ordinary about it.

This was what was offered to me:
- The company is in Rome, ITALY
- Head of Outsource Projects - South East Asia
- Five figure salary per MONTH IN EURO!
- I have my own team of high profile executives working for me
- I will be travellling around the world
- Accomodation: A villa - fully paid for by the company
- Transportation: Any car of my choice - fuel fully covered by the company
- Medical: Fully covered + husband and mother and that is inclusive of Dental
- Grooming allowance: EURO1,000 - given every 2 months
- My own company credit card
- They will fully cover all moving fees and issues
- Other small and standard benefits.

Great isnt it?

Even with an extravagant and generous offer like that, it took me a full month to even mention it to anyone. Why? I was afraid.

I was afraid it was all a dream. I was afraid with this great offer, something really horrible would happen after. I was afraid of uprooting myself out of my comfort zone.

But when she called me again, and asked me to rethink it again, I decided to tell Rizal. I also told Sita.

Both of them was gaping with shock and was quite piss that it took me so long to tell them, especially Rizal. I dont blame them, but I got my reasons.

After much discussion with Rizal, he gave me confidence and made me see what a great life changing opportunity this is for me! Before I didnt allow myself to think and hope about this unbelievable offer - but now..... I WANT IT!!

I gave my resume and waited. That was the biggest torture ever! Then an assignment was given to me - to see my work I was given a week to finish it. I had it done within a night! Next step is the big bosses will call me for a phone interview.

There is only 3 people was shorlisted for this position, including myself. And I was the only woman, Asian and the youngest.

The other 2 were very experienced and influencial men in this field. *sigh* I had a very heavy and bad feeling when she told me that. I know my chances of getting this job is freakingly low now!!

Then she dropped the bomb that one the guys dropped out. So its between me and this 50+ year old dude!

OH MY GOD! Now there is a fifty-fifty chances of getting it! I was sooooo excited and scared at the same time!

Then a few days after that, my whole world crashed down on me when she called and told me the bosses have decided to take the other dude! She was soooo furious because they did not even gave me a chance to prove myself via the phone interview!

I was totally crushed!! I cried to Sita. I cried ....hard! This was THE big break, or so I thought! When I saw Rizal, I cried even harder! HE keep saying its their loss! But how come I feel like its mine?!!

After cooling down, I gathered myself up - coz I have to go off for my roadtrip to Sg Petani, Kedah.


I guess it wasnt meant to be...

Perfect for me...

How can I fully describe how I feel about the most important person in my life? I am not very good with words, I am afraid I cant convey everything well.

But when I heard this song... oh God! Its perfect.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


Thursday, August 20, 2009


I hate this word because it always based on a negative remark!

Well to me its better to be over EMO than be fuckin cold and always act like you have got a stick up your arss!

Yes, I do have EMO-attacks, but I am the type of person that apologises immediately after its being pointed out. But please la give me some time to recover. I am not some bloody robot! I am a human being!

I am not YOU!

We all have our own speed of recovering from our mistake! You keep pointing out that I am EMO, but they way you handle me being EMO, your reaction is ....wel.... OVER! I kept my mouth shut - you think I am sulking! Have you ever thought that I am afraid to say things to you??? Afraid to fuckin hell fuck up again!!

You keep telling me that I expect too much from people - well you too!!

You expect people to do things at your speed!

I get excited to see you, happy and cheerful, and being the chatter box that I am, I express myself pretty plainly, especially to you. The fact that you told me HE might be looking, scared me to death!! Coz there were bitchings that is meant for you only. Dont get me wrong, I appreciate you telling me, but tell me sooner!


I am sick and tired of having to deal with this OVER-REACTING thingy again, and again!

At least I admit I am EMO. Please reflect and see if you are what you label me as well.

Dont simply scold and hurt me!!

I tolerated far too many times in the past! Now I need to put it in i dont keep having chest pains each time you snap and cut me off like this!

You are so far the only person that holds the record for the most number of times for hurting and making me cry my heart out! You'll be the death of me la...

And the sick part is.....I STILL LOVE YOU A LOT!!

This word is so commonly used but not sincerely executed. How sad is that?

For the past couple of months, this word is being tested.

As a result, I got hurt, BAD. And to make it worse, from the person I least expect!

It hurt sooooo much that I couldnt be angry. I was soooo hurt and shocked that tears just rolled down my cheeks, without any sob or sound. Just pure tears from a broken heart.

Why did that have to happen, I have no idea. I thought I was on top of things. I thought I knew better. But alas, I was gravely mistaken.

The only word that can give a glimpse of what I feel is - ANGUISH.

Even though it happened 2 months ago, the pain is like it happened an hour ago. I have surrendered my all, heart, soul and worldly possesions.... And this hit me like a tornado.

You know what you did. You may see how it effected me and may come to some idea of how it hurt me, but trust me, you are no where near of knowing how I truly feel. And I do not wish it on you, for it was any other weakling, they would have been totally broken down to a million pieces and probably go crazy.

I know you feel remorse and is still trying to make amense. And I will accept it, but please do know I do not forget. I still give you 100% of me but now there is a wound in my heart that will never properly heal.

I am yours forever, no matter what.

R . I . P

Its been so long..... I have forgotten how to do this!

How do I begin? Where do I start? Its especially difficult for me to fully express myself when it comes to extremely painful issues. Hence the reason why I havent blogged for quite awhile. A lot of traumatic incidents have happened in the last 2 months. I just couldnt find the right words to describe my true feelings, and weirdly I am still hoping that it was all a bad dream. That I would soon wake up and all will be well. Thats why I couldnt blog. Because by blogging, I would have to admit that it was all true and the pain will come rushing in, and I wasnt sure if I could take it.

But now, I feel that I can. Now, is the right time. I am ready (I think, I hope!).


I held on to you when I lost Papa. I held on to you because loosing Papa was too much to bear and I felt lost, alone. It hurts too much! Even after 6 years, I still miss him terribly. I wish he is here to see how well I have become. I wish he is here for me to pamper him, to share my joys and insecurities. But alas, he is not here any longer. I still feel the pain as if it happened only yesterday.

I had wonderful memories with you, Father. Playing mahjong till wee hours of the morning.. listening to you tell stories of your life back then.. *sighs* I am sooo gonna miss that!

Even though you pretty much keep to yourself, you comforted me by just being there. You may not know but your strong presence gave me strength and confidence to go on. And now that you are gone, it will never be the same again.

I have yet lost another father. The pain, the void.... is undescribable.

I will miss you a lot, Father. I am sorry that I did not show my love for you more often or better. But God knows how much I love you.

The only comforting thought is that now you no longer suffer. You are in a much better place.

Love you, Father.