Thursday, July 9, 2009

A song that ALL women yearns....

'FIND ME A MAN' - Toni Braxton

I'm just a girl
That doesn't like the thought of being alone
I need to be loved and held real close
I'm the kind of girl
That needs to be caressed and kissed so soft, yeah
There's no better way to turn me on
I need a man
Who's gonna treat me right
I need a man who'll be with me every night
So I've gotta

Find me a man
With sensitive eyes
One who understands
Love is stronger than pride
So I gotta
Find me a man
A sensitive mind
Not just any man
One of kind

I'm just a girl
That likes a man that knows his right from wrong
One that will keep his loving at home
I'm just the kind of girl
Who likes to please her man the whole night long ooh
But he's gotta please me just as long
I want a man who
Who's gonna treat me right
I need a man who's gonna be with me every night
So I gotta

Find me a man
With sensitive eyes
One who understands
Love is stronger than pride
So I gotta
Find me a man
A sensitive mind
Not just any man
One of a kind

I know I'm looking for, and I know
He's gotta be wonderful, 'cause I know
I am too beautiful, to settle for nothing less, ooh
In know what I'm searching for, yes I know
It's someone incredible, don't you know
That I won't give up until I've found the perfect man
So i gotta

I gotta find me
Gotta find me a guy
So I gotta find me, find me
Find me a man
Not just any man
One of a kind

Deja Vu

No, its happening again.

The old wound still hurts and now, this.

I am not sure if I can take it again. Even though its been 6 years, its still fresh in my memory as if it was yesterday.

And the sick part is, its due to almost the same cause.

With heavy heart, I proceed these past 2 days as if it does not effect me. Put up a big smile, laugh... but only God and Rizal knows I am worried sick.

Please God! Do not take him yet. I am selfish! I am not ready for him to leave us. Rizal and I still need him. Even though we are not as close as we would want, but he is still a big factor in our life.

May God Bless your soul and protect you always, Father. I love you.

Friday, July 3, 2009



I am sick and tired of people act all nice with me yet behind my back they dont think of me as a friend. I am begining to think Rizal's right. I am too idealistic when it comes to relationships.

I am the type if we say we are good friends, I truly believe it and will trust that person a lot. And I will try to help and be there for them as much as I can.

But once too many times I am caught off guard with a big knife at my back! And to make it worse, when confronted, they will never admit it. Liar! Fuckin hypocrite!

I practice what I preach. It saddens me that people always think that I am too domineering and bossy. I am so sorry for having a bloody spine and sticking to what I think is right. At least I have my own opinion than just lying down and letting others walk all over you.

The most heart breaking part is that I always mean well and do my best to accomodate those I care. But why does it always look like I am a selfish demanding bitch?

I seriously dont care what strangers think or do to me. But I cant take it when the people I trust and love are hypocrites and back stabbers.

I dont expect people to praise me all the time and follow my every wish, but at least be honest with me and tell me if anything I do is not to your liking.

And I hate whiners. Especially those who whine and bitch, feeling sorry for themselves and not lift a finger to improve their situation. And later, blames God for every shitty thing that happen to you. WTF? Dont like your life? Well, stop bitching and get off your ass and fuckin hell do something about it!

The people that I trust a lot, betrays me.

I hate people that axes friends that lends a helping hand. I hate people who 'lupa daratan'! Forgets how they got there in the first place. I hate people that forget the hand that helped them get out of the freaking shit hole in the first place.

My late father did warn me about this trait of mine - Idealistic. I expect everyone to give their best, to be honest all the time because thats what I do. And I always have high expectations of others.

I now learn the hard way - through plenty of personal experience - that I cant fully trust anyone but my Dad and myself!

My Dad is not with me anymore.

Miss you Papa. I wish you are here.

I have never felt so hollow in my entire life.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Blast form the past!

I had a very interesting couple of days.

Weird and nice at the same time.

I never guessed that it would turn out as it did.


Wow! That is a long time! And to suddenly get back in touch and ended up in a very juicy situation.... *sighs*

But of course, he cant handle it. Very few can. Just when I have made up my mind, he bailed, rejected me. Be it his reasoning is an acceptable one in the eyes of community, but dammit its not in mine!

Before this I felt good, reminiscing. But now..........

He is a part of my past that did not have closure. And he is stopping me from achieving it! Damn you!

He said its forbidden. Yet I know he wants it, he yearns for it, he longs for it. He cant resist it, therefore he avoid it all together.

The one that got away - thats what this is all about.

No you say? We'll see.......